A New Christmas Card Mission

Next year it is going to be my primary agenda to write affirmitive, encouraging words in and on our Christmas cards. I will ponder each card and the person for whom it is intended and come up with a fitting compliment or blessing. What an opportunity!! Not just a signature, but a spirit-lifting sentence sure to help and even heal the recipient.

I get excited thinking about this campaign. It is like a new mission to brighten people's lives. The card itself is intended to do that, but a few thoughtful words and the spirit of Christmas is truly expressed beyond the benefits of the beautiful card.

Please join me in this. Resolve to change your Christmas card mailing to something even better.

Don't Just Do Something. Stand There.

“Don’t Just Do Something. Stand There.”

We must think of every human being as “the walking wounded” but we are not to think of how we must fix them. Our help is underway when we greet a stranger, show up in kindness and express concern, and interest. But we must leave the fixing to God. It is enough for us to "stand there" in love. We do not have to do much more than that.

God surrounds us with His Presence. God is healing us every moment. That is where we must be present to people, with people. We greet them. We touch them. We smile at them; listen to them; walk with them. We weep with those who weep. That is love and love is God. Love is the Spirit of God flowing through us.

But there is a little more we can do:
In a Peanuts cartoon Charlie Brown asks Lucy: “Do pretty girls know they are pretty?”
“Only if somebody tells them,” says Lucy.

Think about that! It’s a metaphor about life in general.

A compliment to a pretty girl makes them even prettier. Kind words are like vitamins, nourishing the spirit, and a nourished spirit makes the body healthier and inspires the person to their own good deeds. Care and kindness is a brilliant way to create an ever-expanding chain of goodwill spreading like a prairie fire across the world, creating much needed global warming.

"What does the Lord require of you? To act justly. To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8). Here is another biblical teaching, slightly embellished: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is to look after orphans and widows (and strangers, geeks, teenagers, sick people, the walking wounded, the grieving—and everybody else struggling, hurting and handicapped or “handicapable”. (James 1:27).

We can encourage, appreciate, inspire, friends and strangers with loving words, smiles, and compliments and general friendliness. But let’s leave the fixing to God.

Simple instructions for living in "The Second Half "of life.

Grow Older Graciously
“Your Agenda for the Second Half”
The number one step for gracious living at any age, but especially in the Second Half, is to accurately assess how much you have to give that everybody else needs. First, set aside all inappropriate modesty. This is the kind of modesty that belittles yourself with pious sounding self-discounts. For some it is a lifelong bad habit long overdue for change. If you chronically belittle yourself, or if you quietly regard yourself as second-rate or of little value to the human race, it is time to stop. It is not true!
You have something every living human being needs. In the Second Half of your life, when other pressures and responsibilities are changing, and even dropping away, a new opportunity is open and inviting your participation. It is to be an encourager of the younger generation, and your peers. What a great new title to own: “I am an encourager.”
Inside each of us are piles and volumes of unspoken appreciation, admiration, and adoration. Inside us are compliments that have never been expressed. Some we haven’t even noticed in our own hearts. We are carrying kind words aching to be uttered. We have unused smiles to spread everywhere we go. We never run dry. We are full of goodness and loving-kindness waiting to be shared.
There is no human being who cannot use what you are carrying around. Abandon any tendency to think of yourself as of little value in this world. Everyone needs what you have! A few days ago I was visiting at “The Home” and a ninety year old woman came up and identified herself. We chatted and I said to her “You are beautiful!” She glowed like she had been plugged into an electric socket. It was so easy, so natural, so inspiring to her.
Many of us have found our primary identity in our occupation. Therefore retirement can create a puzzle. “Who am I now?” If the answer was always connected to your job, to how you earned money, or your role as a father or mother, you may wonder who are now. At least you may be uncertain about that. Here is the answer.
“You are the light of the world.” says Jesus. There is a fresh and powerful identity. It will never be extinguished. Retirement years can free us for a more deliberate and intentional career brightening our environment. Your work, employment, trade, aided the world but now there is a new opportunity. It is noticing and actively encouraging, listening, appreciating, thanking, cheering people.
Growing older graciously is recognizing in your peers, and all the younger folks around you, their need for some form of spirit-lifting gift. Gracious living finds ways to say “You are a very wonderful young man”—by a note, an e-mail, a card, or word of mouth. Gracious living is giving support and spirit-lifting words at the car wash, the grocery store, the bank, and the Post Office. Graciousness is forgetting yourself and giving to others. You have so much to give! And it will be there until your final breath, no matter how much you give away.

My book The Miracle of Kindness can help you with this agenda..

Vital Reminder

"Appreciative words are the most powerful force for good on earth." George W. Crane

A Touch Can Heal. Care and Kindness dates

“Living Your Faith”

A fresh new slogan will promote our 13th annual Care and Kindness event, March 11, 12, and 13, 2010. . It is “Living Your Faith” because that is the bottom line about this conference. We will use these three words to boldly make it clear that Loving-kindness is at the heart of Christian living. We want to make it very obvious that every individual is “the light of the world” called to shine brightly. And our goal is to help them do that.

Call 714.971.4031 for information about “Living Your Faith”

The Power of a Touch
At a recent dinner/entertainment event which I was hosting something happened I want to tell you about. During the dinner I had strolled around the tables greeting and chatting with the diners, joking and kidding most of the time.

A few weeks after that dinner I met a handsome older man (turned out he is 82 years old) who told me he had been present at the affair. He then told me something that thrilled me to the depths of my soul, and stunned me with its importance. He said that I had walked past him when he was sitting at a table and that I had laid my hand ever so briefly on his shoulder, as I went by. Then he added “That touch absolutely blessed me!” And he said a little more about what a strong moment that had been.

A touch as I walked by! So small! So appreciated! A touch! And he was moved, his spirits were lifted, his mood was changed.

Again I am jolted into awareness of the importance of our Care and Kindness campaign. This is life changing business. This is spreading spiritual medicine everywhere we go. And anyone and everyone is able to take part. It takes so little to heal a soul.

(SP ACK) Special Act of Kindness

Special Act of Kindness (SP ACK) Across the street from our church is a private business. It is relatively inconspicuous because most of it is behind a large old family house turned into the office building. Then there are a half dozen rows of orange trees fronting the property, for about fifty yards, along the street. The working area is down a driveway behind all that. Every day I exit our church property and look directly at that scene. But it is changing. Instead of a chain link fence in front of the orange trees they are constructing a beautiful stone wall out of attractive flat stones slabs. A good looking iron railing graces the top of it. Yesterday as I left for home I noticed a workman, trowel in hand, scraping excess concrete off the stones of the wall. I pulled over and opened my car window. “That is really a great looking wall you have made there. What a wonderful piece of work!” I was surprised at how warmly the man responded. Whoever he was he took total ownership of the project. He stood up, smiled and responded “thank you very much!” I drove home feeling like a million dollars.

We Remember Acts of Kindness

THE KINDNESS REMAINS

Jesus can be as hard as flint at the very moment He is as tender as a mother. He can be tenderly terrible and terribly tender.

A little orphaned boy was practically adopted by a soldier during the war. One day he let slip a swear word, and when he did, he looked around for the disapproval and rebuke of his adopted guardian. But instead the soldier laughed and said, “Never mind, Sonny, say all that kind of thing you want.” The little fellow thought a moment and then burst into tears and said, “If you were my father, you wouldn’t say that.” He felt he wanted and needed something more than sentimental kindness. He wanted to be saved by hard refusals.

With this redemptive content put into kindness we now consider our growth in kindness. Perhaps now we can quote these lines, since we have put into kindness a higher meaning:

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
When all that this sad world needs
Is just the art of being kind.

That kindness is important is seen by the fact that we remember an act of kindness when all events slip out of memory. The kindness remains. At a time when bitterness was strong between Britain and India, I found a prominent Indian wearing a white flower in his buttonhole each day. He explained to me that when he was in Britain studying, the English landlady used to put a white flower in his buttonhole each day. The kindness stood out like a star on a dark night of bitterness.

The Finnish people have treated me with many honors – large crowds, eager listeners – but the one thing that stands out is the act of an unknown Finnish lady who ran out into the street in the snow, stopped the car and handed me a flower through the window. That flower blooms fresh and fragrant in my grateful memory.

O Father, help me this day to do some little act of kindness that may live in somebody’s memory forever. Amen.

AFFIRMATION FOR THE DAY: I cover all ugly unkindness with the same robe of kindliness with which He covers my ugliness.

Eight Anonymous Essays about Kindness

Eight essays about kindness are being offered, starting with this one entitled "Growth in Kindliness". I do not know who the author is. Three years ago someone handed me six very old pages that looked as if they had been torn from a book. Or, they were part of a daily devotions wall-hanger. They have been typed for your edification.

I. GROWTH IN KINDLINESS

We come now to the next fruit of the Spirit – kindliness.
This is a very homely virtue, homely in the British sense of belonging to the home – a very commonplace, ordinary virtue. And yet it is ordinary as salt, and as essential. Without kindliness there is no virtue in the other virtues. It puts a flavor into all the other virtues; without it they are insipid and tasteless; or worse, they degenerate into vices. Love, joy, peace, good temper; without kindliness are very doubtful virtues. So it is no chance that this is the middle virtue of the nine, putting flavor into all the others.

So to grow in kindliness is to grow in virtues that are flavored with a certain spirit. The spirit of kindliness pervades everything. The Old Testament, especially the Psalms, uses the expression "loving-kindness." A little boy explained the difference between kindness and loving-kindness: "Kindness is when your mother gives you a piece of bread and butter, but it is loving-kindness when she puts jam on it as well.

But in the New Testament a content has gone into kindness that made the adding of "loving" unnecessary. We have quoted a passage into which the content of Jesus has gone into the words: "Treat one another with the same spirit as you experience in Christ Jesus" (Phil.2:5, Moffatt). Not merely the same actions, but the same spirit in the actions as was in Jesus. This is the high water of morality in this universe. Beyond this the human race will not, and cannot, progress. This is a character and conduct ultimate. This gives kindness a plus – an infinite plus.

And this saves kindness from mere maudlin sentimentality. It can be very severe – severe because He loves so deeply that He often has to save us by hard refusals. And His kingdom can cut – it can cut when, like a surgeon, He insists on cutting out of us moral tumors and cancers. But always His severity is security. It is redemptive. He loves us too much to let us go.


O Christ, show Your kindness to me this day even if it be a cutting kindness, for I don’t want leniency; I want life. Amen.


AFFIRMATION FOR THE DAY: I want God to be kind to me in the form that my deepest necessities demand.

God's Servants win Nobel Prize

Three scientists were recently awarded The Nobel Prize for Physics. One laid the groundwork for the globe-circling fiber optic networks that transmit most of the world’s communications.

Two others discovered enormous new possibilities with light that led to our cell-phones and digital cameras.

Willard Boyle, George Smith and Charles K. Kao have changed our world,mostly for the better.

These men, like all who improve life on earth, are instruments of God. What came out of their many years of research and work points directly to the mind of God operating in their minds.

Regardless of whether or not these men are people of faith, we who are people of faith must give thanks to God for them, and their work. Not only that, we should honor them and give them acclaim, naming their work as God’s work.

Making the world a better, happier, healthier, more beautiful and a safer place, is one basic part of “Building the Kingdom

It would be totally appropriate to call these men into church and publicly give them honor and admiration. They could then be acclaimed as faithful servants of God—even if they didn’t believe it, or know it!
We are promised “a new heaven and a new earth” by Jesus. His resurrected body, changed and different, was the first evidence of something new and wonderful to come. Everything we do that improves life, whether simple or complex, is an early contribution to the new heaven and new earth to come.

Christians are called to that kind of living. In addition we must notice, stand in awe and appreciation of, anything wondrous that is discovered or developed for humankind’s well-being. It is the work of God.

Amateurs are the Best

Amateurs are the Best

Encouragement, appreciation, and loving-kindness in any shape or form may be best when offfered by an amateur.

The word amateur is derived from the Latin word amore which means "to love'.

So amateurs do it for the love of it. Professionals do it as part of their work. Professionals are needed. There is love in their hearts too.but amateurs are the real "lights of the world".

It Was Only a Touch!!

The Power of a Touch
At a recent dinner/entertainment event something happened I want to tell you about. During the dinner I had strolled around the tables greeting and chatting with the diners, joking and kidding most of the time.

A few weeks after that dinner I met a handsome older man (turned out he is 82 years old) who told me he had been present that day. He then shared something that thrilled me to the depths of my soul, and stunned me with its importance. He said that I had walked past him when he was sitting at a table and that I had laid my hand ever so briefly on his shoulder, as I went by. Then he added “That touch absolutely blessed me!” And he said a little more about what a strong moment that had been.

A touch as I walked by! So small! So appreciated! A touch?! And he was moved, his spirits were lifted, his mood was changed.

Again I am jolted into awareness of the importance of our Care and Kindness campaign. This is life changing business. This is spreading spiritual medicine everywhere we go. And anyone and everyone is able to take part. It takes so little to heal a soul

World Brightening Behavior # 6

Smile Generously. Your smile is always available. Remember to turn it on.

1. Anyone, regardless of age, or level of intelligence, can lift another’s spirits by giving a smile.
2. Not only is the other person lifted, you, the one smiling, are lifted. There is evidence that putting on a smile also makes the person offering the smile feel better.
3. Smiling may raise our immunity level. Research suggests that when Botox is applied to a frown, taking the frown away, the person is often less depressed and more positive in their outlook. The muscles of the face seem to be connected to the chemical system.
4. Frowns generate bad chemicals. Smiles produce beneficial chemicals.

5. Turn your smile on even if you do not feel like smiling.

6. Smile! Brighten the world. Heal troubled and broken hearts.

This is What Jesus would Have Done--I think

Demonstrating the Love of Jesus to a Frightened Young Man
At approximately 12:30, during lunch hour, I was called to the church lobby to talk with a young man who was there needing to be settled down. I went and met Mike. It was obvious to me, as an experienced psychiatric chaplain, that he was confused, frightened, agitated and obviously mentally ill. He was not boisterous, threatening or angry. Mostly upset, but quietly sitting there. He said he was afraid of the medication they insisted he take and so he had run away from the psychiatrist’s office.

He and I spent about forty minutes together and were relating rather well, when the Security man whispered to me that the police were coming. He had left a psychiatric facility, without permission, and his mother was worried about his safety. I was asked if I would try to keep him in the lobby until the police arrived. I agreed, and continued my counseling with him.

About ten minutes later “Mike” spotted the police coming down the sidewalk. With a frightened cry he got up and ran toward the back fire escape. I was right behind him and stopped him as he reached the first step. I wrapped my arms around him and attempted to console him. At that very instant the two policeman entered the stairwell and grabbed for him. Since I had my arms around him I asked them to wait so I could quiet his fears with a prayer. Then I would let them take him. (I imagined we then would all quietly walk to the Police Cruiser and they would return him to where he was receiving care). They refused completely.

Instead the Police grabbed for him and roughly grabbed my arms and tried to pull them off Mike. I kept my arms around Mike and pleaded that they wait a minute so I could calm his fears with a prayer. At the same time I identified myself as a Pastor of the church. While this was happening Mike was quietly standing, embraced by me. He was not belligerent, yelling, fighting or resisting anything. He was just scared.

When I failed to release him I was forcibly pulled off, and told to turn around so that handcuffs could be put on me. I was furiously angry at the way they were treating this frightened, ill young man, and I said so. Mike was roughly pushed against the wall and handcuffed. I was warned that if I did not turn around for my handcuffing I would be thrown to the ground. After that warning, I let him handcuff me.
Mike was not a dangerous young man. I had established a relationship with him and he could have, and should have been, gently and kindly taken by the hand and delivered to the police car. If they had paused, respected me, and allowed me to finish my counseling responsibility—the prayer, I could also have assured them he was of no danger.

That was obvious anyway. The volunteers in the lobby could easily testify that he was not a threat, just a confused young man. My job was/is to show the love of Jesus to these sick and frightened people, like Mike, and to see to it they are treated with respect and kindness.

Mike had run to the church. He regarded it as a safe and loving place, and that is my job to reinforce that impression. I wanted to create a loving caring atmosphere for him so that he would continue to regard the church as a place of loving kindness.

Instead, he was treated like a dangerous lawbreaker. His lifelong memory of the Christian Church will be of a place where he was roughed up, handcuffed, and treated like a criminal.

I was treated like one too. I was handcuffed, forced to sit on the concrete, pushed into the back seat of a police car, with no leg room. Then I was delivered to the Police Station. There I was given no helping hand to exit the back area even though with my hands cuffed I could scarcely maneuver out of the space. I was then relieved of everything I had in my pockets. My money was counted, I frisked front and back and between my legs, searched, fingerprinted, photographed-front, left side and right side. Next I was taken into a small room, read my rights, warned that I would probably have to pay restitution, and appear in court. Then I was released.

This was one of the most degrading experiences of my life. I had cooperated fully to make sure Mike was there when the police arrived. I stopped his frightened fleeing so the police could take him. I embraced him in a caring manner to say a loving and reassuring prayer with him—which was roughly and crudely denied me.
There was no appreciation, respect, or recognition that I was in a counseling relationship with Mike and caring for him. There was no looking at Mike to see if he was any kind of threat.

No act I have ever performed was more clearly and simply expressing and showing the love of Jesus. Obviously even loving-kindness is not without its risks.

# 5 Speak About Your Appreciation

5. Say "thank you". Whatever anyone does for you- if they fill out a form, hand you a check or receipt, point something out--say "thank you", or "I appreciate your help." I even pour it on my dentist: "thank you for the way you take care of me." Surprise people with direct, audible words of appreciation.

Example: I answered a phone call from the Laguna Playhouse. The call was promotional. She was selling tickets for their upcoming series. For a variety of reasons there was no chance we would be interested. Not only that, her call was intruding on an important project on which I was working. Nevertheless I said "Thank you for calling us. I appreciate your interest in our attending your productions." Needless to say she concluded the call with warmth and kindness. Surprise people with energetic gratitude.

The Lady in 3B

The Lady in 3B

The small elderly woman said she’d been assigned to seat 3B. I was in 3C so I pulled my legs up and let her pass. I cleared the seat belts for her so she would not sit down on them and she settled in. We shared a little banter about where he handbag should go and then we fell silent.

Finally she spoke: “I hope my flight out of Chicago won’t require a long walk to the gate.” “They can be a long way at times,” I replied. “I’m going home to Omaha” she added (we were flying out of Grand Rapids, Michigan with a plane change In Chicago next).

I did not respond for several minutes, then I quipped “Let me guess, you were in Michigan visiting grandchildren.” She smiled a little, sighed and said, “No, it is a long story.”She stopped.

I waited, leaning into her slightly to show my interest. “I was here to see a friend, a man.” “Nice” I said, “you must be a widow and a have a new friend.” “Yes” she replied, “but there’s more to it.” She then went on to explain she’d had two husbands. The first had died unexpectedly at age 33. The second had died about eight years ago. Then she met Carl at a high school reunion. They’d hit it off immediately and have been enjoying their friendship, even though they lived almost 1000 miles apart. Then came the catch---“but he has Alzheimers.”

I knew that I was into heartache now, not just a nice story. “Oh my that is sad” I said, “can you still enjoy each other?” “Yes, he recognizes me and we both love to dance and he is still very good at it.”

I told her that I had read that Alzheimer’s patients usually retain musical memory and I suggested that dancing was probably part of that. She then told me that by coincidence this very weekend Carl was being placed by his children in a care center. He was being taken from his home against his will. She added that it had made for a couple of very difficult days for both of them.

“So you are kind of saying goodbye to him” I said. “That is really sad!”
“Well I have enough Frequent Flyer miles for one more flight, but my children don’t want me to travel any more. I am 86,” she said.
“You must go back,” I responded. “You need to say a good farewell. This one was too chaotic. Your children mean well, but they don’t see it correctly. You should go again.”

She said nothing and we sat silently for the next five minutes. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her wiping her tears with tissue. The she broke the silence. She explained how she had happened to be sitting in seat 3B. “There was a mix up, but I think it was a gift of God that I was placed in 3B.”

We were now descending toward O'hare airport. Our flight was nearly over. “What a wonderful half hour that was” I reflected silently.

The Amazing Benefits of Diligent Thankfulness

The Benefits of Being Diligently Thankful

By diligent is meant regularly listing, reflecting, and focusing on specific items, actions, inventions, experiences in nature,with people, places,or articles (anything). Those who make a daily practice of consciously calling to mind, remembering, and even writing down, what they are grateful for were healthier and happier:

They felt better about their lives as a whole.
They were more optimistic.
They were more energetic.
They were more enthusiastic.
They were more determined.
They were more interested.
They were more joyful.
They felt stronger about handling challenges.
They exercised more (nearly an hour and a half more per week).
They had fewer illnesses.
They got more sleep.
They made more [progress toward important personal goals.
They were more likely to have helped someone else.
They were perceived by others to be m0ore generous and helpful.
They were less envious of those with more possessions.
They were less cluttered.

Other benefits:

Clearer thinking—more creativity and openness to ideas.
Better resilience during tough times.
Higher immune response.
Less likelihood of being plagued by stress.
Longer lives.
Closer family ties.
Greater religiousness.

From Thank You Power by Deborah Norville, pp.24 & 25.

Dr. Robert Emmons from University of California at _______who is the leading research professor on the subject of gratitude will be speaking at the 2009 Care and Kindness Conference,in March.

Who Believes in Prayer Here?

Who Believes in Prayer?

In a small mid-western town a new beer joint started to build a building for their new business. The local church was alarmed and they started a campaign to block the bar from opening. They circulated petitions and called people to pray that the business be stopped.

Work progressed, however, right up until the week before the planned opening of the new tavern. Then one dark night, in a tremendous thunder storm, lightning struck the bar and set it afire. The new building burned to the ground.

The church folk were smugly gratified about this setback for the new bar. Then one day they were informed that the owner of the new establishment was suing the church. His grounds were that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his facility.

Naturally the church vehemently denied all responsibility and any connection to what had happened, and told that to the judge who was officiating on the lawsuit.

When the judge after much deliberation needed to announce his ruling he said "I am not sure how to rule on this. It appears that the tavern owner believes in the power of prayer, and the church does not."

Give God to People. It is Easy

It is easy to give God to people. You just look at them, smile, and greet them with a warm word, and move on. Friendliness is God's love coming through average and ordinary folks, some of whom easily discount their importance.

You are the church! Your friendliness is vital to every visitor, co-worker, and other church members. Everyone hungers for a spirit-lifting boost from God. And Jesus depends on you and me to provide it. Yes, God heals directly too, but God's first line of support and healing is you, and me.

There is not one person who can discount themselves or disqualify themselves from this assignment and opportunity. The lowest paid, least educated, person's smile and kindness is as powerful as anyone elses.

Bad moods or late nights do not take you off the hook. Nor does your importance or your high level of activity. There is not one person who is not The Light of the World, says Jesus. That means the brightness of our surroundings is affected by our attitude and actions. Merely everyday friendliness-greeting and smiling lifts spirits and thereby brightens the world. Even such simple gifts are a powerful way of giving Jesus Christ to people, because God is Love.

Today more than ever the world is lonely. As we let the love of Jesus spill on those around us we are healing them with Love.

Credit is Overdue

The most under-rated good in our Christian Community is the ordinary everyday work the average person does.

Every nail hammered, every car washed, every computer installed, eye-glasses crafted, drain unplugged, suit pressed, engine repaired, class taught, baby sat, paper processed, mail delivered---is a contribution to the new world God is building.

Everybody's work makes this world a better place. None of it is meaningless. None of it is worthless. All of it it a blessing to humanity.

The Best Offense is No Defense

"The Best Offense Is No Defense"


My car was not ready as promised, at 5:00 o'clock. Then when I finally retrieved it the sticker indicating date, mileage and viscosity of the oil had not been applied. So I strode grim-faced back to the service desk. "I'm really irritated", I stated firmly, and proceeded to spout out my dissatisfaction, questioning seriously whether the oil had even been changed at all. My head of steam rose rapidly. All the day's tensions were mounting and about to erupt on the Service Manager's head. Then he eyeballed me and said, "You know, I'd be upset too, if I were you."

A long pause followed. Speechless, I looked at him. Like a helium-filled balloon stuck with a needle, I deflated. My hot air drained like magic. My head of steam cooled off like a tamed pussycat. I became a decent human being again.

Understanding and acceptance, like magic, defused me. I had been understood! Instead of the defensive posture I anticipated, I got understanding. Expecting indifference, I had backed up and gotten a running start in order to hit hard enough to get the attention I felt I deserved. The target, however, neatly sidestepped my attack, and I fell flat on my face. Prepared for defensiveness I received empathy and acceptance.

That Service Manager demonstrated what a major difference acceptance and understanding accomplishes, in contrast to defensiveness.

Life's best game strategy, sure to win, is to play no defense whatsoever. There is a lot of truth in every criticism, complaint, or attack, leveled at us. Therefore dropping one's guard not only disarms the plaintiff, but allows truth to enter our otherwise closed minds. Acknowledging the legitimacy of the accusation, or dissatisfaction, usually satisfies the unhappy. They feel heard as their cry is received and understood.

Proverbs says "A soft answer turns away wrath".

The truly soft answer is a non-defensive one. Defensive answers are crusty and hard. They cause the other person to back up, build up a better attack and come on stronger and angrier. The soft, understanding, reply says "I hear you. I accept what you are saying." Anger is defused. The need to hit harder in order to be heard melts away. Most people want to feel as if they have been heard, that their cry is accepted, and cared about. They don’t even need to have it fixed.

We can drop defensiveness almost totally. In the game of life, a lot of games are won by those who play little, or no, defense.

Research on Prayer

Serious Material About Prayer

Larry Dossey M.D. tells about some experiments with prayer undertaken by an organization called Spindrift. This group set out to test how praying people might affect other living things, in this case seeds. The question was whether prayer can make a difference in the rate of germination in ordinary garden-variety seeds.

Rye seeds were divided into two equal groups. One set was prayed for, the other was not. The results consistently showed more slender green rye shoots among the prayed for seeds than on the other side.

Satisfied with these results, they tried something else. They added salt water to the "prayed-for" tray. It was like making the seeds sick. The results this time were even more striking. Prayer worked even better when the organisms prayed for were under stress.

Several different models were used to test the results of prayer for the sickened seeds - extra salt, humidity, heat. The outcome was consistent. Prayer worked best on the ill seeds!

The Spindrift people explored other logical questions in their seed-based experiments:
1. Does it matter how much one prays? Answer: Twice as much prayer produced double the positive effects.
2. Does the praying person need to be informed about the conditions of the seeds prayed for or can she pray effectively with minimal awareness of the subject? Answer: The more clearly the practitioner is aware of the object of prayer the more effective it will be.

Another remarkable dimension of their tests was the exploration of the difference between what they call "directed" and "non-directed" prayer.

Directed prayer is the kind where a very specific outcome is focused on like the shrinking of a tumor, healing of an illness, or the knitting together of a broken bone.

Non-directed prayer is open-ended. God is not told what to do in this mode of intercession and a very specific result is not imaged or asked for.

The Spindrift Folks wondered which of the two would get the desired outcome. They found that both ways of praying got good results but the non-directed was twice as effective as the directed. They concluded that the "Thy will be done" attitude seems superior. Therefore, if we can generalize from seeds to humans, we should hold persons up to God and pray for the awareness of God's presence and a fresh infusion of Divine love, healing and well-being, in a general and open way. This way seeks and accepts 'what is best' whatever that might be, leaving specific outcomes to God.

I believe we should be incited to greater conviction about prayer by these reports. Skepticism is understandable, but in this scientific age it may be that God gives us these timely means for fresh awareness of His divine presence. By means appropriate to the 20th century mind-set, God calls us back to life's true Power Source.

We ought to conclude there is good reason to pray. But we are also compelled to be open people, open to disappointment as well as victory. Not every seed germinated. Unexpected cures are still unusual. Mystery remains.

Control of these powerful life-impacting forces still resides Somewhere Else. The "wind blows wherever it pleases." But there is given to humankind, some capacity to direct or influence it. Life experience, Biblical teaching, and this research, provides a lot of motivation to be praying people.

show appreciation

Say “Thank You”
World Brightener # 5

Say “thank you”. Whatever anyone does for you- if they fill out a form, hand you a check or receipt, point something out---say “thank you”, or “I appreciate your help.” I even pour it on my dentist: “thank you for the way you take care of me” I have said. Surprise people with words of appreciation.

Example: I answered a phone call from the Laguna Playhouse. The call was promotional. She was selling tickets for their upcoming series. For a variety of reasons there was no chance we would be interested. Not only that, her call was intruding on an important project on which I was working. Nevertheless I said “Thank you for calling us. I appreciate your interest in our attending your productions.” I thought “here is someone working for an hourly wage doing something usually bothersome to those she reaches.” So I decided to try to brighten her hour by being appreciative. Needless to say she concluded the call with warmth and kindness.

P.S. There are new words in today’s marketplace for “you’re welcome.” I do not like them, but they are the equivalent of “you’re welcome.” The new words are “no problem”. Especially among youth no one says anything except “no problem”. I’m trying to get accustomed to this response.

The Lady Had a Christian Symbol on Her Car Trunk

Drama at the Gas Station
The lady had a chrome-plated fish symbol neatly glued on the trunk panel of her white Lincoln Continental. The name Jesus was spelled out inside the lines in the shape of the fish.

The whole scene is fixed in my memory because the driver, a large blond woman, was very upset with the gas station attendant. He, a small Asian person, had accidentally spilled oil on the fender and motor of her beautiful car, in the process of adding some to the crankcase.

There was a hot verbal interchange that I couldn't hear distinctly, as I pumped my gas. Then just before she slammed her door and sped away in a huff she shouted: "Vell, vy don't you people go back to your own country!"

I hoped the attendant didn't notice the "Jesus" sign on the back. It was a pathetic scene, but I couldn't keep from laughing at the irony of her words spoken with a heavy European brogue. She had a Christian label on her automobile, but her soul was pretty mixed up demanding. "Jesus" was written on her car but not in her heart.

Giving Up a Good Seat 4 a Stranger

Kare Koach gets Kaught on the way to Kona
by K.O.K. (Koach of Kindness)

Our entire family, including the grandchildren, was on the plane. We were on the way to Kona, Hawaii. It was our treat, celebrating forty years of marriage. I was especially happy about my seat assignment. It was part of the Exit Row and on the aisle. That added space is crucial for my 6’6” frame, on a flight of five hours.
Shortly after we had leveled off at around 36, 000 feet the lady next to me asked if I would mind trading seats with her husband who was seated in back. “Oh no,” I thought, “how does care and kindness handle this?”

I quickly decided to speak honestly. “I’d rather not,” I replied. “My six foot six height really needs the leg room.” I reasoned that the likelihood her husband was my size was slim. “Okay” she said. “Since we are on our honeymoon I was hoping we could sit together,” she added.

“Oh no”! Her footnote hit me like a ton of guilt. How do I respond to that? What a dilemma! On the one hand squeezing into a conventional seat was nearly impossible for me to endure. On the other hand here was a touching personal need I could make right. On the one hand I was to her an anonymous stranger. On the other hand I was the Koach of Kare and Kindness. I didn’t have to do anything, but I felt I had to do something.

I sat in silence, thinking and squirming, for at least five minutes. Finally I said, “tell your husband he can come up and sit here for two hours.” “No, that’s alright,” she replied. I pushed my offer, “that way you can enjoy dinner together, wouldn’t you like that?” Clearly I had hit a soft spot.

“Okay,” she finally said, and hopped out of her seat and went back to talk with him. In a couple of minutes they were back together to accept the proposal. He told me his seat number. It turned out to be in the very back row of the plane; the worst seat in the plane. It wouldn’t even lean back, it was so tight against the wall. There was even less than average knee room. But the deal was made, and by this time forty minutes of the flight out over the ocean had passed. Two hours would be tolerable. After that I could stretch for the final hour and thirty minutes.
Sure enough, exactly on the two hour minute the man came back for the seat exchange. And I felt warm all over.

Our family had observed the whole transaction. Some were astounded that I would give up that precious Exit Row seat, at all. Others could not believe I would not give it up completely, that I kept two hours for myself. All were tickled by the whole deal. Especially me-and I hope the newlyweds.

The Power of Kind Words

A few days ago I received a note in the U.S. Mail from someone I had not seen, or thought about, in over twenty-five years. It came from 1500 miles away.

Strangely it was handwritten on napkin paper. In a few words she said she wanted to thank me for an act of kindness I did in 1984. She had been working at Pine Rest Christian Hospital, where I was a Chaplain. That year I had left for The Crystal Cathedral ministry. She said that when I departed I had sent her a note thanking her for her helpfulness (she was the assistant who checked out hospital cars for employee use and had done this for me often). So here it is 2009 and she still remembers warmly that note!

I do not recall writing it. But what a powerful testimony about the wonderful effect of a simple few words of appreciation.

P.S. My response was to mail her a copy of my book The Miracle of Kindness, autographed with a few fresh words of loving-kindness.

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

The Costco super-store I visit is always very crowded with people I do not know. Only about once in six months do I meet someone I recognize. Not only that, there is no eye-contact or greeting offered by any of the shoppers. They are all intent on their purchases, or managing their families. Most seem unaware of those around them, even those who might need to push their carts around them.


So it was startling a few nights ago when someone said “hello” to me. The middle aged woman smiled, and I looked at her with a puzzled look. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place her. “Chicago avenue?” I questioned. “No, Fantastic Sam’s. Haircut,” she said in her imperfect English. “Oh, yes” I responded realizing and recognizing her as one of the women who cut my hair. “Great to see you” I said with a big smile, and we went our separate ways.

Her greeting lifted my spirits enormously. I went on with my shopping feeling renewed, buoyant, blessed. It is amazing. Here was a woman I scarcely know, Hispanic, low-waged, a hardworker with whom I have virtually no relationship. And her greeting was like a shot of Adrenaline. I felt joy from her friendliness.


The power of a greeting can hardly be over- rated. Never is a simple “hello” wasted or worthless. Every simple “hello” is a blessing, a gift, a vitamin for the soul of the recipient—even if he doesn’t turn and respond to the words.


A man named Joe Kita decided to say “hello” to everyone he met for a period of one month. He reported that when the time was over he felt lighter, more connected, and had a better sense of well-being. But he recommends setting a lower number of greetings per day. Lest you burn out or get bored. At the same time he is convinced it is a way of making the world a better place.
St. Paul said “Greet each other with a holy kiss….” Well, we better not go that far today or we might get arrested, but St. Paul certainly is underscoring the value of greeting when he made that suggestion.

“Hello” is possible for everyone. Start today to sprinkle, spray and splash greetings on people.

# 4 World Brightening Behavior

Offer Compliments

“You look great”. “I like doing business with you.” “You have a good attitude.” “I love your smile.”

Inside each of us, everyone of us, are many appreciative feelings, words of admiration, and gratitude. Such feelings and thoughts are popping up all the time. A clerk, a stranger, a friend or family member, may say or do something helpful or encouraging, or kindly. Most of what we feel and think, of this sort, remains unexpressed. It is there, but it is not let out. It is kept inside ourselves.

LET IT OUT!!!!
Spread, spray, sprinkle appreciative thoughts and grateful feelings on people. Take a second during, or after, any transaction, and put into words a short sentence of thankfulness, appreciation or admiration. Make it simple, direct, and personal. Make it a habit.

Sometimes it helps to plan ahead to offer such a parting gift. Take five seconds, while the clerk is ringing up your bill, to plan what you will say, then say it with a smile.

Example: I was on the telephone trying to get repair services for our home phone. As the service representative finished with me I paused and then said “you are really a nice person.” She literally gasped and then gushed her appreciation.

I routinely respond to cashiers and clerks who mechanically say "Have a nice day," with these words "Thank you. You have just made it nicer.".

The surprising secret about all these "world brightening" tactics is this: the giver's life brightens in the process of lifting the spirits of others.

Happier people are created by giving loving-kindness to others.

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

At a recent theological seminary commencement I was asked to speak a few words about my experiences in ministry. The name of my recent book, The Miracle of Kindness was included in my remarks, along with a little more about that topic. The reference to kindness, I soon learned, sparked a connection with the father of one of the graduates. Later, by coincidence, I ran into him at the reception. He greeted me warmly and quickly jumped into a personal story. At first the story seemed only distantly related to anything in my talk. “Forty-five years ago Nietszche wrote a book called God is Dead,” he said. That statement caused me to begin to write the man off. I knew Nietszche had written such a book but it was a century earlier. The man went on, “his book upset me so much I went out and had tattooed on my shoulder the words God is Kindness.”

Now I became excited. Here was a kindred spirit for certain. After all I am the Koach of Kindness (cf.K-O-K). I began to smile broadly and celebrated with “that is so great. I love that! I agree 100% with those words.” Now he was smiling from ear to ear also.

Next I had the temerity to ask if I could see his tattoo. Immediately he took off his suit coat, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his white shirt. Then he pushed the shirt, and his undershirt, off his shoulder and there it was.

The tattoo was clearly visible but somewhat blurred. Many years had passed since the ink had been needled into his skin. I could easily read the first word GOD. Then there was a short word I assumed to be is followed by a longer word I could not read, but expected it to be kindness. But as I was trying to make it out he remembered and told me he had it in the Spanish language, his native tongue. That changed my expectation and I could see it was a spanish word. (Since then I have had two different answers to my question about what the word most likely was. Some said ead amabilidad, others suggested bondadoso both apparently are Spanish words for kindness. I was moved. I was a special guest observing a passionate statement of faith, imbedded in his skin. It was his inerasable proclamation, that God is alive and actively present in our lives, through loving-kindness.

His tattoo is a profound protest from the heart of a deep thinking, insightful man, who knows better than the great philosopher that God is love. Before we parted we hugged, twice, and I promised to send a copy of the book, to his home in a borough of New York City.

Later I wondered, why he hadn’t simply written "God is Love". There must be a special reason he chose the word kindness. That question will be sent to him along with The Miracle of Kindness. There may be a story there.

P.S. In general I dislike tattoos. Obviously there are exceptions. I love this one.

World Brightening Behavior # 3 Act Friendly !!!

#3 TheThird World Changing Behavior, Anyone Can Do

"Act Friendly"

The emphasis here is on the word ACT. We do not just follow our feelings. That is, it doesn’t depend on our mood, that we are feeling friendly, to present friendliness to someone. We are obliged to do what is good, what is right, what is needed, necessary, and mature. Regardless of what we may be feeling, we can decide to send a message of friendliness.

The important part of this is to know that when we act friendly we lift another’s spirits. Their body chemistry is affected and made better. They will feel better and even be healthier. Their system will fight disease, germs and other illnesses more effectively after their spirit is lifted by friendliness.

There is a secondary gain too. S/he who gives the gift of friendliness also will feel in-spired. The word inspired means in-spirited, which is to be lifted in how you are feeling. The “medicine man” he/she wo offers the good gift to the other person will be rewarded in like manner.

It can be no more than “Hi how’ya doing,” and a pat on the arm. Even that little, is friendliness personified.

FYI ----- about me and ministry

“What Motivated Me to Enter the Ministry?”

Chapter 1

During my college years, and before, I never considered becoming an ordained minister. I did not think about it and reject the idea. I never even considered it. My older brother Woody was supposed to go to seminary. Our Pastor-dad had tapped him, almost at birth, for that destiny. And Woody entered college as a pre-sem, but got quickly sidelined by recreational distractions, and dropped out after one semester. My dad was a good man but his style of preaching was unsettling to me. I couldn’t imagine myself being like him.

I played basketball and tennis, enjoyed my friends, studied as needed. I had no solid goals. Guys who were headed for seminary were regarded with scorn. They were not respected by me and my friends. They were considered wimpy and lacking hearty male capacities. So the prospect of going to seminary was non-existent for me.
After completing my M.A. at Michigan State University I was employed in Kalamazoo and lived a carefree single life. Sports dominated my pastimes. I did attend church, and even volunteered to help lead the boys club at the church. So I was not without spiritual sensitivity.

It was my weekend beer-drinking conversations with friends back in Grand Rapids that started to stir something. Another stirring factor was my coach of the Teamsters Union Basketball team. He talked about Jesus and God all the time. Every other phrase was “Jesus Christ!” or “God Damn”. Beside that, on our out of town trips, he often took along a woman—other than his wife.

One other circumstance contributed. My job as a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor started in a national recession. There were no jobs, and I was trying to find employment for handicapped, and illiterate minorities. That too made me, for the first time, ask: “Is this what I intend to do with my life?”

One of my friends had applied to a seminary I’d never heard of, in Philadelphia. It was called Westminster. The only requirement for consideration was a college degree. I decided to apply. One problem. I needed a Pastor to recommend me. I knew none very well. So I asked Dr.Bratt, a Bible Prof. at Calvin College, who also followed our basketball team there, when I played. So he knew me somewhat. It felt risky. My reputation at Calvin College was anything but ministerial. It was more along the line of “fun-loving, friend-oriented, athlete.” But he enthusiastically endorsed me, to my surprise, and I was accepted at Westminster.

Almost impulsively I decided to go. I quit my job, prayed a little, and did have one ecstatic spiritual moment that seemed to affirm my new direction. With my ’55 Chevy loaded with everything I owned, I headed East. I told my Dad virtually at the last minute. I had never consulted him, or confided with him, about my intentions. It was just God and me—and my friends. Eighteen hours later I arrived in Philadelphia. My life in ministry was underway.

Practice! You can learn to love better.

Love Is a Skill

by Rick Warren

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born
of God and knows God" (1 John 4:7 NLT).

Love is a skill that can be learned. In other words, it's something you can get good at and that means you get better at love by practicing love.

You may think you're a good lover, but God wants you to become a great lover, a skilled lover, a master lover. You can become an expert at relationships.

Wouldn't you like to become known as a person of extraordinary love? When people speak of you they might say: "He doesn't care who you are or what you look like." "She doesn't care where you've been or what you've done or where you're from."

The only way you get skilled at something is to practice. You do it over and over. The first time you do it, it
feels awkward, but the more you do it, the better you become.

The same is true with love (1 John 4:7). Let's practice loving each other. As the Bible says, "Practice these things; be committed to them, so that your progress may be evident to all" (1 Timothy 4:15 HCSB).

Prayer is Loving Energy

Prayer is More Than Words and Thoughts

Prayer usually involves active thinking and caring for another person. It can include picturing them in your mind, and trying to imagine and feel their pain, when there is a trial, or grief. At the very least we will be thinking of them and their need, when we pray for them.

Love is being given when we stand and pray with someone. Love is traveling from us to the one in need. And, Love is from God. God is Love, the Apostle John says, in I John 4:16. Our Love is God flowing through us into the other.

I like to think of that Love as energy. So our prayer, for someone, is sending Godly energy into them. Prayer is Love, and Godly energy, flowing from me and directly from God. That resource, that energy, has the power to heal and encourage; to restore and strengthen. In addition God's love and healing surges directly from the heart of God.

A Resentful Helper

RESENTFUL HELPERS

“I get angry every time the phone rings” the pastor said. As he talked,it became clear that one person was the cause of this. Every morning, and several times in the evenings, she would call and talk . . . and talk . . . and talk . . . about her problems. Her trouble and unhappiness was real- sickness, unemployment and divorce.

The pastor said he hardly listens anymore. "I politely respond,now and then. But mostly I wait impatiently for her to have her “say”. Hostility has crowded out any empathy or tenderness.

Unable to set limits on this person, or others who in some way placed demands on him, this man has become a resentful helper. His ability to help at all is crippled.

At least two bad consequences follow when we feel unable to say “no” or set limits on those who are asking too much from us:
1) We become bitter at all who ask help from us.
2) Our self-esteem deteriorates.

The pastor must respect himself and set good boundaries. He must tell the troubled caller that he can talk to her once, or twice, a week at a designated hour. No more. Except in real emergencies. He might even declare that he would call her at a specific time.

Jesus himself would at times withdraw (like turn the phone off) to recoup his strength, no doubt. He knew and respected His limits.

The ability to say “no”, to set boundaries, is essential for being able to say “yes”. If I can set a firm limit my decision to set it aside is a strong expression of love and concern. If I can't say "no" my availability is soon going to turn into bitterness and indifference.

Love of self, taking care of myself, is not separable from loving
others. The more healthy my spirit is the higher quality the loving-kindness I give to others will be.

you can make a difference

CHANGING THE WORLD

Changing the world doesn't require wealth, talent, or a huge investment of time.

Right now, you (yes, you), with your current limitations and abilities, have tremendous power to impact others.

Don't believe me? Have you ever had a day in which everything you touched went wrong? When you were at the end of your rope, did someone speak a kind word or help you out? Do you remember how it warmed your heart and perked up your spirit? Small, loving acts make a profound difference. Everyone longs to feel noticed and appreciated.

That's why it means so much when someone surprises us with a simple act of caring. It assures us that we matter.

Discouraged people are everywhere. They need you. Don't overlook opportunities to make a difference in someone's life. A smile, a note, or a phone call won't take much effort, but they can make someone's day. Not only will your kindness be appreciated by the recipient and rewarded by God, but it will enrich your own life too.

Many folks say, "I'm just one person. I can't make a difference." If you've ever been on the receiving end of a hug just when it's needed, you know one person's concern is powerful. Do you compare your contribution to a tiny drop of water in the huge ocean? Mother Theresa's view was that the ocean would be less without that one drop.

There could be no mountains, if not for the tiny grains of sand from which the mountains are made. Little things pack a big punch. Encouragement takes only a moment to give but it delivers an important message of love and concern to the recipient, and it could last a lifetime. Your empathy and time can lessen someone's load and make their life journey easier.

(author unknown)

I Believe in Compliments

We visited the 1st grade classroom of our grandaughter Larkin last week. Her teacher is Mrs. McPherson, an older woman, nearing retirement age. She was impressive with those little kids, most of whom were energetic little boys.

After a few hours observing we departed. I made certain I said to Mrs. McPherson how highly I appreciated her teaching, and mannerisms, with the children. Linda, my wife, did the same.

Mrs. McPherson seemed startled by our appreciative words. What she said implied that there were not many occasions in her life as a teacher that she had been rewarded with compliments and supportive feedback.

As we left Lincoln School we signed out. There we were greeted by the school Administrative Ass't/Receptionist. She smiled and bade us farewell. I told her "You are the most important person in this school. The person who meets and greets those who arrive sets the tone. And you are such a warm and inviting person." Of course she was very moved and denied her importance. Again I had felt compelled to leave a gift with a key person.

Later, along with our adult daughter and granddaughter Meggie, we visited a large Consignment Store. They specialize in taking in and selling used clothing and other items. I asked the woman at the counter if she was the owner. She said she was. Then I inquired about why she had gone into this kind of business. She answered that there was a need for it, and she believed in re-cycling and helping those with limited incomes. At the same time she affirmed that the present economy was actually helping her business (the price of every item is shared with the one who brought it in).

After further conversation I had to leave, but in parting I said to her "I really admire you for what you are doing." She looked surprised, but pleased. I think my words were a spiritual gift that made her life a little bit better.

These three examples represent a life plan: I believe that words of encouragement and appreciation are spiritual gifts. They are not merely nice tokens. They are acts of love. As acts of love they are in fact the touch of God. This is because God is love. Therefore an act of loving-kindness is a taste of God.

My intention is to thoughtfully notice people throughout every day, and offer to as many as possible and reasonable a "touch of love" which is a touch of God. I am confident no sentence will ever be wasted. They will all brighten the spirit of the recipient and in the process make their world, and our world, a better place.

World Brightening Behavior # 2

Make Eye Contact

Look the person in the eyes briefly, with warmth. Look at their face. Combine your eye contact with a greeting and a smile.

“The eyes are the windows of our soul,” the Bible says. We must look in them. To be looked at, personally, is medicine for the soul.

Comment: I had an interesting conversation with a Native American pastor, one of the persons we call “Indian”. He said his people, The Navajos, were not accustomed to making eye contact. He himself did, I noticed, but he explained that going to Fuller Seminary had changed him.

I wondered out loud to him, if lack of eye contact might be the result of being oppressed by others. That they may have been punished for making eye contact by foreign conquerors or even other Indian nations that had ruled them.

We agreed that it seemed as if eye contact was an appropriate human behavior, even Christian, that should be encouraged.

Who Believes Prayer Changes Things?

Who Believes Prayer Changes Things?


In a small conservative mid-western town, a new Tavern owner started building a facility in which he would operate his beer and wine service business. The local church took exception to this. Theuydid not want this business in their town.


The church started a prayer and written petition campaign to block the Tavern from opening. Construction work progressed however right up until the week of the scheduled opening. Then one night lightening struck the new place and it burned to the ground.


The church folks were shocked but pleased, of course.


Shortly after the fire the bar owner went to court and sued the church for the destruction of their building.


The church, of course, came to court and vehemently denied all responsibility, or any connection, to the demise of that building.


The case made its way through the legal system, and the judge to whom it was assigned said at the public hearing: “I do not know how to decide this. From what I have read it looks like the Tavern owner believes in the power of prayer but the church people don’t.”

World Brightening Behavior # 1

Greet People Warmly

“Good morning. It is good to see you”. Become an enthusiastic and, fanatic greetor (sic). Greet everybody, whether or not they make eye contact—say “Hello”, “Good Morning”, Great to see you!—anything, to send a pleasant message of noticing them. A greeting is a connection. It is knocking at a door saying “I notice you... You are valued… You are somebody!’ That is a simple, clean, blessing, everybody needs. There are no exceptions.

(In the process notice how it makes you glow, how it brightens your own life).

Five Key Essentials Vital for Every Caring Person to Know

1. I have the capacities, qualities, and abilities that can brighten another person’s life, help them gain confidence, and feel hopeful about life.

2. Everyone can be helped by my encouragement, kindness, interest, and friendliness. No one is exempt.

3. My warmth, friendliness, and kindness, when another feels it and sees it, makes them feel there is goodness and care in this world. .

4. When I show any form of loving-kindness toward anybody it is like showing it to Jesus, himself.

5. The care and kindness I give to others is infectious. They will catch it and pass it on, to help keep the ripples flowing, making this a happier world.

BONUS: The benefits others gain from my care and kindness are matched by the positive feelings I experience, in and from the process of offering such love.

ANYTHING WE SHOULD ADD TO THIS LIST? ----- Jim Kok

A Powerful Statement about Living for Jesus

Ponder These Words. They are so Important!

“Every act of love, gratitude and kindness; every work of art or music inspired by the love of God and delight in the beauty of his creation; every minute spent teaching a severely handicapped child to read or to walk; every act of care and nurture, of comfort and support, for one’s fellow human beings and for that matter one’s nonhuman creatures; and of course every prayer, all Spirit-led teaching, every deed that spreads the Gospel, builds up the church, embraces and embodies holiness rather than corruption, and makes the name of Jesus honored in the world—all of this will find its way, through the resurrecting power of God, into the new creation that God will one day make. by N.T. Wright Surprised by Hope

Everything good contributes to the new creation, the new heaven and new earth, to be fulfilled when Christ comes again. We start, right now, to anticipate that perfection. Nothing is wasted. What we do is the beginning, no matter how small it is.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

Getting away from it all works wonders. Quiet, time alone, solitude, beauty, creates space for reality to regain proper perspective.

There is a way of knowing that goes beyond logic and deductive reasoning. In a scientific age such knowledge is seldom given credence. Still, of all we believe and hold true, a great deal comes from the anecdotal accounts of other people. Unproven, untested, but believable because they said “it happened.”

Knowing God and Jesus Christ falls into that special, personal, subjective, category of knowledge for many.

Astronaut Edgar D. Mitchell talks of his confrontation with knowledge that transcends reason:

When I went to the moon, I was as pragmatic a scientist-engineer as any of my colleagues. I’d spent more than a quarter of a century learning the rational-objective-experimental approach to dealing with the universe. But my experience during Apollo 14 had another aspect. It showed me certain limitations of science and technology

It began with the breathtaking experience of seeing planet earth floating in the immensity of space – the incredible beauty of a splendid blue-and-white jewel floating in the vast, black sky. I underwent a religious-like peak experience, in which the presence of divinity became almost palpable, and I knew that life in the universe was not just an accident based on random processes. This knowledge, which came directly, intuitively, was not a matter of discursive reasoning or logical abstraction. It was not deduced from information perceptible by the sensory organs. The realization was subjective, but it was knowledge every bit as real and compelling as the objective data the navigational program or the communications system was based on. Clearly, the universe has meaning and direction – an unseen dimension behind the visible creation that gives it an intelligent design and gives life purpose.

I. What is Christianity About?--A Lenten Reflection

I.

A Lenten Essay about The Nature of Christianity

The well-known TV personality and Interviewer Barbara Walters remarked about Christianity in this way. She said, that after all her conversations with Pastors, Evangelists, and other noteworthy Christians, she has concluded that Christianity is about going to heaven, and avoiding going to hell.

It is not surprising that she has come to that conclusion. A majority of active Christians share that view and see their faith in that way. In most Sunday worship services that is what the stress is on--sin, and avoiding punishment, heaven.

Is this what Christianity is mostly about? Is that the impression we want the Barbara Walters of the world to have-that Christianity is mostly about going to heaven and staying out of hell?

Certainly Jesus death on the cross is the enormously dominant theme of Christianity. "Jesus died for the world." Definitely John 3:16 stands high above other verses in crying to the world to enjoy the gift of salvation: "God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life."

There is the key to salvation, embracing that incredible truth. But salvation is a lot more than gaining the key to heaven. The fact that Barbara Walters bottom-line impression of what Christianity is about is the heaven-hell question is a sad revelation.

We must re-learn what Jesus had in mind when he came into this world. He did a lot of teaching, he performed miracles, he died on the cross, and then was raised from the grave. Think about the very earliest announcement about Jesus, the angels words to Joseph The Carpenter-“Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife….She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

The Jewish Joseph could not have had a clue what this meant-“He will save his people from their sins.” His life was still immersed in the religious practices of the Israelites. Sacrifices, rituals, altars, sheep, oxen, goats and doves and strict rules impacted every day of their lives and all they did. It was all about paying for and preventing sin.

These verses illustrate the context in which Joseph and Mary lived: Leviticus 4:32 "If the offering you bring as a sin offering is a sheep, you shall bring a female without blemish. You shall lay your hand on the head of the sin offering ; and it shall be slaughtered as a sin offering at the spot where the burnt offering is slaughtered. The priest shall take some of the blood of the sin offering with his finger and put it on the horns of the altar of burnt offering, and pour out the rest of the blood at the base of the altar. You shall remove all its fat… and the priest shall turn it into smoke on the altar, with the offerings by fire to the Lord. Thus the priest shall make atonement on your behalf for the sin that you have committed, and you shall be forgiven”

How could Joseph the Carpenter have a clue about what Jesus significance was to be, living as he was in that context of sacrifices for forgiveness. Even if he shared the conventional longing for the Messiah, no Jew expected the Messiah would die like ordinary people.

My next Lenten reflection will jump from Joseph to Jesus on the cross and his words “It is Finished”.

I Appreciate The Crucifix--a Thought for Lent

I Appreciate The Crucifix

The empty cross on which Jesus died, I have known all my life, is the proper representation of that symbol. Jesus was removed from that terrible device, carried to a tomb and the tomb was sealed and guarded. Then Easter! There is the heart of Christian life. Death is defeated. A new age is inaugurated. The resurrection of the body we celebrate and anticipate for the human race. So the Cross is properly vacant. Christ is risen, not hanging on the cross.

Nevertheless there is powerful and important teaching in The Crucifix. Looking at the Lord Jesus hanging there in terrible agony tells us of God’s love in a graphic way. It speaks a message softened by the empty cross. It is the message of God’s pain, and a divine love, that would experience such an awful death for his people.

I have come to appreciate and love the Crucifix. Looking at it is a lesson about love. What greater love is possible than that—dying, voluntarily, being put to death, in a terribly painful way, on behalf of others.

That is love! And we are called to live that way. Not to go to the cross literally but to leave our comfortableness to help others. Every action taken whereby we bother to reach out to lift another person is of the species of dying for another. Every tiny, medium sized or major action of giving up time, money, energy, a preference, to help someone else is a form of dying for others. Looking at The Crucifix, the dying Jesus, can serve as a reminder of what our lives must be aimed at. The Crucifix, more than the empty cross, portrays love.

Jesus said: “If anyone desires to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever desires to save their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” (Mt. 16:24). That is the remarkable thing in all this. We find such meaning, purpose, vitality, and hopefulness, in carrying the agenda of dying for others, every day of the week. We find life in that kind of love-giving.

The Crucifix magnifies Jesus final words: “It is finished.” A whole religion was being ended and a total new age welcomed. All the preoccupation with sin, guilt and punishment was over. “It is finished.”

Now we are called to build the Kingdom through love. Sin is forgiven. Look to the cross and see Jesus/God in absolute, horrible pain--for us. That is our inspiration, and example, for lives of loving-kindness toward others.

The Right Answer

The Right Answer



Pastor: (trying to generate discussion of his children's message) "Who knows the name of the little animal with a bushy tail often seen in city parks?"



Children: (silence, no one answered).



Pastor: "Surely someone knows what that little animal is called."



Child: (timidly raising her hand) "Well, I think it's a squirrel, but I know the right answer is Jesus."

Prayer Sold the House

Prayer Sold the House

When we moved from Iowa City to Grand Rapids in 1969 we bought our first house. It was a pleasant three bedroom home with a large back yard. It also had a free-standing double garage, a perfect home for our Labrador Retriever, Friendly. I loved it because of the spacious back area allowing for ample gardening and adventurous play for the children.

We did learn of a disadvantage of locating on a wide busy street. There was to be no crossing the street to play with other children. There was another problem for Linda, not for me. The busy avenue was noisy even at night. As time passed her sensitivity heightened until I was pressured into considering a move. I reluctantly said “OK” but shopping was going to be in her lap. She accepted the deal.

It wasn’t too long before she found a nice house for sale in the same school district, by people we knew. Linda fell for what she saw. I went and agreed it was a fine house. So we made an offer. Our offer was accepted and soon we were the de facto owners of two houses. It was January. Closure would be in May.

We listed the house we were in with a real estate agent, and confidently went on with life, aiming for the move five months later. We were comfortable with nearly a half year for selling and preparing to move into the new one. But to our dismay, as the date for taking over the new house, and taking over a new mortgage came closer, the house remained unsold.

Linda shared our predicament and terror with a friend who lived around the corner, Judy Gezon. Judy immediately offered to come over and pray with Linda about the problem. Linda accepted. Judy came over the morning of the day we were to go to the Home Loan Bank to sign the papers for the new house. Together they prayed for a solution; for a buyer. Then I arrived and the two of us went to do the paperwork. The prospect of having two loans to pay was a horrendous thought. It would be impossible!

When we arrived home I headed back to work. By the time I was back in my office a call was waiting for me. The message was that a lady had come over to look at the house, with the possibility of buying it. She did in fact buy it! She was only the second looker in five months, and had showed up the day of intense prayer.

Draw your own conclusions. I believe prayer was the facilitator.

Stamps.Com? No Thanks.

What a terrific idea. You can buy your U.S. postage stamps quickly and simply in your own home using your P.C. What a time saver! What nice solution to fighting the parking problem at the Post Office, and paying for stamps there after standing and waiting in line for many minutes.

Thanks, but no thanks. There is more at stake here than efficiency and convenience. I will continue to visit the U.S. Post Office.

For one thing the people behind the counter I now consider my friends. I want to greet them, joke with them, and compliment them. I want to communicate appreciation so that they know they are valued, and even loved. I do not want to leave them for quick generic postage stamps on the internet.

The second reason the Post Office will continue to be a part of my life is the beautiful postage stamps available there. Sending letters and other mail with a beautiful stamp is a quiet little joy. It feels like sending a gift along with my check to pay a bill. Adding a Mickey Mouse stamp, or one inscribed Alaska with a beautiful snowcapped Mt. Denali, is a tiny little act of beautifying the world. Maybe it will add a small touch of brightness to the recipient’s life.

The electronic world is amazing and awesome. Our lives have been profoundly blessed by the marvels of the computer and the cell phone. I thank God daily for these inventions. But Stamps.com is not for me. People are more important than quick stamps.

Just "show up"

Just “Show Up”

“Thank you so much for the message you left on my answering machine,” she gushed, “it really carried me through a difficult weekend.”

It wasn’t the first time I had heard that kind of appreciation. Always I am mildly stunned. Such a small contribution. Such a big reaction.

People are thankful for acts of kindness, no matter how little. In contacts such as my message they mostly remember somebody showed up. The woman who appreciated my recorded greeting will not forget I called, but what I said, will slip quickly away.

It is easy to call a hurting person. But the average man or woman neglects this kind act. As greatly as such calls are appreciated, as elementary as the procedure of doing it is, the calls are done rarely. Too rarely.

Reach out to a struggling friend or relative, or a neighbor or stranger, with a word, touch, card or call. It literally gives them a “shot in the arm.” It is a dose of good medicine. It is love. It is God.

I called a friend to inquire about his well-being during his course of chemotherapy. His wife answered and said “Thank you for having the courage to call.” Courage?? Is that what it takes? Apparently. Why else would kind, good-hearted folks put off these spirit-lifting contacts. It must be fear.

When I ask people what they fear they say—“I’m afraid I will say the wrong thing.” They think they are expected to deliver a healing sentence, wise advice, or a spiritual thought, that will encourage the hurting person. They have the idea that their visit is about talking, saying something helpful. The pressure to do that, their fear, leads to a greater harm. They stay away. They leave the person alone. They deprive the person of their healing presence.

Most of the time the hurting person focuses little on what people say. Whatever is said is accepted but makes little difference. Wonderful words and brilliant remarks are alright, but not needed. Saying “hello”, that is showing up, makes a big difference. After that the visitor mostly listens.

So the conclusion of all this is to just “show up”.

Tricky Business Raises $10,000.00 for Youth

Tricky Business at the Youth Auction

(How I Helped Raise $10,000.00)

As I sat down with a handful of friends, including Evelyn and Frank Freed, I heard Evelyn say she really wanted to get the Laker tickets that were going to be auctioned off. There were two, courtside, and it was in the year The Lakers were flying high with Kobe Bryant and Shaq playing well together. All tickets were in high demand. But these two were special and available—at a price. Bidding was to start at $500.00

When I heard that Evelyn wanted them I made a mental note. I thought: (1) Evelyn has enough money to go to any price to get the tickets. (2). Evelyn usually doesn’t give up until she gets what she is after. (3). Maybe I can have some fun and help the cause by bidding against her a little while.

After the bidding opened and I had playfully topped her opening bid I quietly left the table. I went and stood a ways away where Evelyn couldn’t see me. There I continued my bidding. Soon the price had risen to $3000.00 and I bid $4 K. She went to $5 K. I went to $6 K. Evelyn did not know who else was bidding and she, with determination, kept going. I upped the price to $ 8 K and my knees started shaking. “Oh my, what if she stops. I cannot afford this,” I panicked. But she went to $9 K without a moment of hesitation. I then went $9.5 K and when she said “10”, I quit.

It was a few weeks later that I learned someone had told on me. But Evelyn only pretended to be vexed, I think. I had a good laugh, after I quit shaking. And I felt so good about how I had helped the cause.

.

Does Disability Destroy Faith?

Disability Can Build Faith

Popular opinion holds that a physical disability is likely to destroy or weaken one’s faith. The opposite is true. A research project studied 26 men and women who had acquired permanent disabilities relegating them to wheelchair living. Here are the results of that study:
---53 % revealed their faith had been increased by their disability.
---31 % said they had “kept their faith” in spite of the challenges of their disability.
---8 % claimed they actually found faith because of their disability.
---8 % described their faith as “uncertain”.
---0 % lost their faith

Additional Findings:
God-believers explained that they experienced God as “a presence” they could talk with, question; someone who listened to them.
God’s help was described as –providing, protecting, giving- strength, endurance, and patience. Also someone who cared and understood their struggles.
A few believed God gave them their disability but they felt no bitterness or betrayal.
All indicated that talking to people gave meaning to their life. They also admitted that feeling lonely and different was common.

The Wheelchair:
---46 % (12) hate the wheelchair and want out of it.
---31% (8) said they accepted wheelchair living.
---23 % (6) were ambivalent (they both hated the wheelchair and accepted it).
Even those who indicated acceptance of the wheelchair made it clear that their acceptance did not exclude a desire to walk again: “That never leaves!”

The 46 % who hated, and did not accept, the wheelchair, expressed anger at the wheelchair; carried clear memories of life before the wheelchair and reported feeling confined, uncomfortable and painful.

Hopefulness:
---69% (18) expressed hopeful outlooks.
---8% (2) held hopeless feelings.
---23% (6) carried a mixture of both hopeful and hopeless feelings.

HOPE---This means not giving up. It is fueled by faith in God. Hope blossoms when friends and family are close, supportive and encouraging.

Maybe those for whom life is smooth and easy are the ones who lose their faith.

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

The Costco super-store I visit is always very crowded, with people I do not know. Only about once in six months do I meet someone I recognize. Not only that, there is no eye-contact or greeting offered by any of the shoppers. They are all intent on their purchases, or managing their families. Most seem unaware of those around them, even those who might need to push their carts around them.

So it was startling a few nights ago when someone said “hello” to me. The middle aged woman smiled, and I looked at her with a puzzled look. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place her. “Chicago avenue?” I questioned. “No, Fantastic Sam’s. Haircut,” she said in her imperfect English. “Oh, yes” I responded realizing and recognizing her as one of the women who cut my hair. “Great to see you” I said with a big smile, and we went our separate ways.

Her greeting lifted my spirits enormously. I went on with my shopping feeling renewed, buoyant, blessed. It is amazing. Here was a woman I scarcely know, Hispanic, low-waged, a hardworker with whom I have virtually no relationship. And her greeting was like a shot of Adrenaline. I felt joy from her friendliness.

The power of a greeting can hardly be over- rated. Never is a simple “hello” wasted or worthless. Every simple “hello” is a blessing, a gift, a vitamin for the soul of the recipient—even if he doesn’t turn and return the words.

A man named Joe Kita decided to say “hello” to everyone he met for a period of one month. He reported that when the time was over he felt lighter, more connected, and had a better sense of well-being. But he recommends setting a lower number of greetings per day. Lest you burn out or get bored. At the same time he is convinced it is a way of making the world a better place.
St. Paul said “Greet each other with a holy kiss….” Well, we better not go that far today, but St. Paul certainly is underscoring the value of greeting when he says that.

“Hello” is possible for everyone.

Act As If You're Glad to See Me.

"Act As If You're Glad To See Me"

(How To Increase Global Warming)

There are six major supermarkets to choose from when I contemplate my weekly foray into the grocery world. Sales and specials attract me toward one. "Double coupons" seduce me toward another. The free blood pressure machine draws too.

Usually I gravitate toward the store where there is an employee who regularly acts as if she is glad to see me. She stands out like The Lighthouse on a rocky, barren coastline. She radiates hospitality.

There are few like her in the marketplace. The rest offer the mandatory eye-contact and "hello" required by the management. Eye-contact is better than nothing, but not much. Mostly they appear as grim functionaries, making a living.

One day I lingered to investigate the source and power shining from The Lighthouse. I complimented her, telling her how much I appreciated the warmth she exuded, and what a difference it made.

Then I pushed a little further, inquiring how it was that she gave so much, so warmly. I was hoping, of course, that she would say "Well, I'm a Christian." Instead, "Oh I get it from my dad," she quipped breezily. "He's the same way." "Oh," I replied, "I thought maybe it came from being a Christian." "Well I'm Catholic, but it comes from my dad," she said.

True, some traits are carved in the genes, or learned by example. They're natural. But as Children of Hope we must go beyond that, to display something extraordinary in the marketplace. We can and must see our place in this world as a calling to be different. Merely doing what comes naturally may not be good enough.

While traveling in Utah a few years ago we stopped at a gas station. The car was serviced, the family refreshed, and we sped on our way again. One of the children commented, "Those people running that station sure seemed different." Everyone agreed. They exuded conscientiousness, courtesy, kindness and helpfulness. Then it dawned on me--"We're in Mormon country. Their religion makes them different." As unacceptable as their theology is to me, they blessed us by their lives. (A theologian friend says "their religion is strange, but Christ is in their lives.")

The world hungers for personal attention, caring service, and unsolicited kindness. The drought deepens. Showers of such blessings sprinkle down rarely. Loneliness and hardness, harshness and indifference, fear and worry, describe humanity. There is so much thirst for spirit-lifting, heartache healing, attitude adjusting, confidence building ,warmth and friendliness.

A friend of mine met a customer in his store one day who was wearing a colorful button on her lapel. It read "Act Like You're Glad To See Me." The human race cries for such performances.