# 7 Amend your Story

#7  Amend and edit your grievance story in such a way that you are reminded you have the powerful option to forgive.  Other words for forgive are "let it go"  "release it"  "Give it to God"  These expressions are less likely to include the idea of discounting what another did to you that was pretty dastardly.---Lushkin

# 6 Seek new ways. (Lushkin).

# 6  Put your energy into looking for another way to reach your positive goals.  Erase the direction or option that has led to your present hurt.

# 5 Give up expecting...from others....

# 5  Stop expecting things from others, or from life itself that may not ever be reasonable to expect.

You can hope and pray for health, love, friendship and prosperity.  You can work hard to achieve them  But do not demand or depend on such things happening.  Do not set your heart on something that may not happen.

# 4 Get the Right Perspective....

Your primary distress comes from your injured feelings.  Not from what happened.  Therefore practice stress-management any moment you feel the upset.  Work to soothe your flight or fight intentions.

3. cf. Frederic Lushkin of Stanford University-all points originate with Dr. Lushkin

# 3   "Understand your goal.  Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with people or condoning their action.  You are looking for peace, the peace that comes from blaming less the one who has hurt you.  It is a process of taking the experiwence less personally and changing the way you look at your grievance.

"Seven Steps to Forgiveness # 2

# 2  Decide that you will do whatever is necessary to feel better.   You need share this decision with no one.  But promise yourself you will follow through  because this is for your health and well-being.  It is not for the perpetrator.

Seven Steps to Forgiveness -- #1

1.  Know exactly how you feel about what happened.  Be able to articulate what it is about the situation that is unacceptable and distressing.