# 4 World Brightening Behavior

Offer Compliments

“You look great”. “I like doing business with you.” “You have a good attitude.” “I love your smile.”

Inside each of us, everyone of us, are many appreciative feelings, words of admiration, and gratitude. Such feelings and thoughts are popping up all the time. A clerk, a stranger, a friend or family member, may say or do something helpful or encouraging, or kindly. Most of what we feel and think, of this sort, remains unexpressed. It is there, but it is not let out. It is kept inside ourselves.

LET IT OUT!!!!
Spread, spray, sprinkle appreciative thoughts and grateful feelings on people. Take a second during, or after, any transaction, and put into words a short sentence of thankfulness, appreciation or admiration. Make it simple, direct, and personal. Make it a habit.

Sometimes it helps to plan ahead to offer such a parting gift. Take five seconds, while the clerk is ringing up your bill, to plan what you will say, then say it with a smile.

Example: I was on the telephone trying to get repair services for our home phone. As the service representative finished with me I paused and then said “you are really a nice person.” She literally gasped and then gushed her appreciation.

I routinely respond to cashiers and clerks who mechanically say "Have a nice day," with these words "Thank you. You have just made it nicer.".

The surprising secret about all these "world brightening" tactics is this: the giver's life brightens in the process of lifting the spirits of others.

Happier people are created by giving loving-kindness to others.

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

At a recent theological seminary commencement I was asked to speak a few words about my experiences in ministry. The name of my recent book, The Miracle of Kindness was included in my remarks, along with a little more about that topic. The reference to kindness, I soon learned, sparked a connection with the father of one of the graduates. Later, by coincidence, I ran into him at the reception. He greeted me warmly and quickly jumped into a personal story. At first the story seemed only distantly related to anything in my talk. “Forty-five years ago Nietszche wrote a book called God is Dead,” he said. That statement caused me to begin to write the man off. I knew Nietszche had written such a book but it was a century earlier. The man went on, “his book upset me so much I went out and had tattooed on my shoulder the words God is Kindness.”

Now I became excited. Here was a kindred spirit for certain. After all I am the Koach of Kindness (cf.K-O-K). I began to smile broadly and celebrated with “that is so great. I love that! I agree 100% with those words.” Now he was smiling from ear to ear also.

Next I had the temerity to ask if I could see his tattoo. Immediately he took off his suit coat, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his white shirt. Then he pushed the shirt, and his undershirt, off his shoulder and there it was.

The tattoo was clearly visible but somewhat blurred. Many years had passed since the ink had been needled into his skin. I could easily read the first word GOD. Then there was a short word I assumed to be is followed by a longer word I could not read, but expected it to be kindness. But as I was trying to make it out he remembered and told me he had it in the Spanish language, his native tongue. That changed my expectation and I could see it was a spanish word. (Since then I have had two different answers to my question about what the word most likely was. Some said ead amabilidad, others suggested bondadoso both apparently are Spanish words for kindness. I was moved. I was a special guest observing a passionate statement of faith, imbedded in his skin. It was his inerasable proclamation, that God is alive and actively present in our lives, through loving-kindness.

His tattoo is a profound protest from the heart of a deep thinking, insightful man, who knows better than the great philosopher that God is love. Before we parted we hugged, twice, and I promised to send a copy of the book, to his home in a borough of New York City.

Later I wondered, why he hadn’t simply written "God is Love". There must be a special reason he chose the word kindness. That question will be sent to him along with The Miracle of Kindness. There may be a story there.

P.S. In general I dislike tattoos. Obviously there are exceptions. I love this one.

World Brightening Behavior # 3 Act Friendly !!!

#3 TheThird World Changing Behavior, Anyone Can Do

"Act Friendly"

The emphasis here is on the word ACT. We do not just follow our feelings. That is, it doesn’t depend on our mood, that we are feeling friendly, to present friendliness to someone. We are obliged to do what is good, what is right, what is needed, necessary, and mature. Regardless of what we may be feeling, we can decide to send a message of friendliness.

The important part of this is to know that when we act friendly we lift another’s spirits. Their body chemistry is affected and made better. They will feel better and even be healthier. Their system will fight disease, germs and other illnesses more effectively after their spirit is lifted by friendliness.

There is a secondary gain too. S/he who gives the gift of friendliness also will feel in-spired. The word inspired means in-spirited, which is to be lifted in how you are feeling. The “medicine man” he/she wo offers the good gift to the other person will be rewarded in like manner.

It can be no more than “Hi how’ya doing,” and a pat on the arm. Even that little, is friendliness personified.

FYI ----- about me and ministry

“What Motivated Me to Enter the Ministry?”

Chapter 1

During my college years, and before, I never considered becoming an ordained minister. I did not think about it and reject the idea. I never even considered it. My older brother Woody was supposed to go to seminary. Our Pastor-dad had tapped him, almost at birth, for that destiny. And Woody entered college as a pre-sem, but got quickly sidelined by recreational distractions, and dropped out after one semester. My dad was a good man but his style of preaching was unsettling to me. I couldn’t imagine myself being like him.

I played basketball and tennis, enjoyed my friends, studied as needed. I had no solid goals. Guys who were headed for seminary were regarded with scorn. They were not respected by me and my friends. They were considered wimpy and lacking hearty male capacities. So the prospect of going to seminary was non-existent for me.
After completing my M.A. at Michigan State University I was employed in Kalamazoo and lived a carefree single life. Sports dominated my pastimes. I did attend church, and even volunteered to help lead the boys club at the church. So I was not without spiritual sensitivity.

It was my weekend beer-drinking conversations with friends back in Grand Rapids that started to stir something. Another stirring factor was my coach of the Teamsters Union Basketball team. He talked about Jesus and God all the time. Every other phrase was “Jesus Christ!” or “God Damn”. Beside that, on our out of town trips, he often took along a woman—other than his wife.

One other circumstance contributed. My job as a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor started in a national recession. There were no jobs, and I was trying to find employment for handicapped, and illiterate minorities. That too made me, for the first time, ask: “Is this what I intend to do with my life?”

One of my friends had applied to a seminary I’d never heard of, in Philadelphia. It was called Westminster. The only requirement for consideration was a college degree. I decided to apply. One problem. I needed a Pastor to recommend me. I knew none very well. So I asked Dr.Bratt, a Bible Prof. at Calvin College, who also followed our basketball team there, when I played. So he knew me somewhat. It felt risky. My reputation at Calvin College was anything but ministerial. It was more along the line of “fun-loving, friend-oriented, athlete.” But he enthusiastically endorsed me, to my surprise, and I was accepted at Westminster.

Almost impulsively I decided to go. I quit my job, prayed a little, and did have one ecstatic spiritual moment that seemed to affirm my new direction. With my ’55 Chevy loaded with everything I owned, I headed East. I told my Dad virtually at the last minute. I had never consulted him, or confided with him, about my intentions. It was just God and me—and my friends. Eighteen hours later I arrived in Philadelphia. My life in ministry was underway.

Practice! You can learn to love better.

Love Is a Skill

by Rick Warren

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born
of God and knows God" (1 John 4:7 NLT).

Love is a skill that can be learned. In other words, it's something you can get good at and that means you get better at love by practicing love.

You may think you're a good lover, but God wants you to become a great lover, a skilled lover, a master lover. You can become an expert at relationships.

Wouldn't you like to become known as a person of extraordinary love? When people speak of you they might say: "He doesn't care who you are or what you look like." "She doesn't care where you've been or what you've done or where you're from."

The only way you get skilled at something is to practice. You do it over and over. The first time you do it, it
feels awkward, but the more you do it, the better you become.

The same is true with love (1 John 4:7). Let's practice loving each other. As the Bible says, "Practice these things; be committed to them, so that your progress may be evident to all" (1 Timothy 4:15 HCSB).

Prayer is Loving Energy

Prayer is More Than Words and Thoughts

Prayer usually involves active thinking and caring for another person. It can include picturing them in your mind, and trying to imagine and feel their pain, when there is a trial, or grief. At the very least we will be thinking of them and their need, when we pray for them.

Love is being given when we stand and pray with someone. Love is traveling from us to the one in need. And, Love is from God. God is Love, the Apostle John says, in I John 4:16. Our Love is God flowing through us into the other.

I like to think of that Love as energy. So our prayer, for someone, is sending Godly energy into them. Prayer is Love, and Godly energy, flowing from me and directly from God. That resource, that energy, has the power to heal and encourage; to restore and strengthen. In addition God's love and healing surges directly from the heart of God.

A Resentful Helper

RESENTFUL HELPERS

“I get angry every time the phone rings” the pastor said. As he talked,it became clear that one person was the cause of this. Every morning, and several times in the evenings, she would call and talk . . . and talk . . . and talk . . . about her problems. Her trouble and unhappiness was real- sickness, unemployment and divorce.

The pastor said he hardly listens anymore. "I politely respond,now and then. But mostly I wait impatiently for her to have her “say”. Hostility has crowded out any empathy or tenderness.

Unable to set limits on this person, or others who in some way placed demands on him, this man has become a resentful helper. His ability to help at all is crippled.

At least two bad consequences follow when we feel unable to say “no” or set limits on those who are asking too much from us:
1) We become bitter at all who ask help from us.
2) Our self-esteem deteriorates.

The pastor must respect himself and set good boundaries. He must tell the troubled caller that he can talk to her once, or twice, a week at a designated hour. No more. Except in real emergencies. He might even declare that he would call her at a specific time.

Jesus himself would at times withdraw (like turn the phone off) to recoup his strength, no doubt. He knew and respected His limits.

The ability to say “no”, to set boundaries, is essential for being able to say “yes”. If I can set a firm limit my decision to set it aside is a strong expression of love and concern. If I can't say "no" my availability is soon going to turn into bitterness and indifference.

Love of self, taking care of myself, is not separable from loving
others. The more healthy my spirit is the higher quality the loving-kindness I give to others will be.