Understanding Grief

Grief is normal.

Normal, Predictable Components of Grief 

Immediately:   When the Loss Happens, or is Learned About:  Shock and Denial ("that can't be true").

Then: Suffering 

1.  We express emotion--tears of sadness, fear, panic, helplessness.

2.  We may feel depressed and very lonely.

3.  Physical symptoms of distress may be felt.

4.  We may become anxious and firghtened about going on with life.

5.  There may be a sense of guilt about the loss.

6.  Hostility and resentment may fill our heart and mind.

7.  We may feel unable to return to our usual activities-friendships, work, church.

Eventually:  Recovery 

1.  Gradually we return to our feet and resume our normal functioning.

2.  We struggle to adjust to reality, to live with a new normal.

3.  Painful feelings about the loss may remain for many years, even though life has resumed. 

The length and intensity of each condition varys with each individual.  Most people go back and forth between the various feelings and conditions.  When friends think you are not suffering you may still be in shock and denial. 
When friends think you are recovered you may be quietly still deep in suffering. 

Whatever the stage you are in the arms of Jesus are around you.  Jesus is weeping with you.

Hugging is Healthy

            It Relieves Tension

               It Combats Depression

                  It Reduces Stress

            It Improves Blood Circulation

               It's Invigorating

                  It Elevates Self-Esteem

            It Generates Goddwill

               It Has No Unpleasant Side Effects

                  It is Nothing Less than a Miracle Drug!

Wonderful Words of Life

"Let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  God is Love.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

A Lesson We All Need

EGO DETACHMENT

Inability to speak your opinions and ideas in public is often due to a simple problem.  Ego attachment.  The solution is detachment.

It’s as if your idea or what you’d like to say is you.  Your worthwhileness as a person is connected to a mere thought or point of view.  So if it is ignored, disapproved of, or voted down, you go down with it.  When your well-being as a human being is dependent on others “applauding” or liking what you say, it’s obvious you will be very careful.  You will be reluctant to speak.  You will be frightened to express yourself.

Paralyzed in this way by fear you will keep many good thoughts to yourself.  Resentment, jealousy, hostility, depression may follow.  A kind of sickness of spirit from excessive ego attachment.  Too much mistaken notion that your value as a person is dependent on being “right on”.

Recognizing this you can begin to detach your ego from your statements.  Realizing that your value is independent of people liking or even listening to what you have to say, you can begin to contribute.

Usually this means beginning by overriding a lot of feelings with a determination to do what you are now convinced is true.  In spite of fear, uneasiness, apprehension – breaking out into a new involvement, a gratifying fresh creativeness.

Jesus said “Woe to you when all people think well of you . . .”  Luke 6:26

P.S. This  is a message to myself mostly.

It was Merely a Touch of the Hand

The Power of a Touch

At the recent 50+ dinner/entertainment event something happened I want to tell you about. During the dinner I had strolled around the tables greeting and chatting with the diners, joking and kidding most of the time. 

A few weeks after that dinner I met a handsome older man (turned out he is 82 years old) who told me he had been present that day.  He then told me something that thrilled me to the depths of my soul, and stunned me with its importance.  He said that I had walked past him when he was sitting at a table and that I had laid my hand ever so briefly on his shoulder, as I went by.  Then he added “That touch absolutely blessed me!” And he said a little more about what a strong moment that had been.

A touch as I walked by!  So small!  So appreciated!  A touch?!  And he was moved, his spirits were lifted, his mood was changed.

Again I am jolted into awareness of the importance of our Care and Kindness campaign.  This is life changing business.  This is spreading spiritual medicine everywhere we go.  And anyone and everyone is able to take part.  It takes so little to heal a soul

Joy will Come in the Morning

“You Who Weep, Will Laugh.”

An ancient guru is reputed to have inquired of  disheartened and dispirited people, those who were knowing no pleasure or joy in life--  “When did you stop dancing?  When did you stop singing?”

By this unique line of exploration he often arrived at the origin of their unhappiness.   Their loss of vitality often harked back to a major grief in their lives; the death of a dear one, loss of a job or fortune, a significant illness, or some other major blow.

Some didn’t even realize they had stopped singing or dancing, which this teacher regarded as the symbols of loss of joy.  Their zest for life had just quietly trickled away leaving them dry, dispirited shadows, of their old selves.

Grief can do that.  It can slowly drain us of our vitality.

Jesus says, “Blessed are you who mourn for you shall be comforted.”  That is the version in Matthew’s Gospel.  Luke puts it this way:  “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”  This is The Lord Jesus’ promise:  healing and happiness can follow mourning.  Proper, natural weeping, and sorrow, leads to renewal.  Weep first, laugh later, Jesus implies.  Psalm 30 puts it this way:  “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

This teaching of Jesus creates a safe place to be real, which is a must for proper mourning.  Also, knowing the Lord weeps with us is a major encourager, as we shed our tears and grieve.  Jesus said “Inasmuch as it [happens] to the least of these my little ones, it happens to me.”   Psalm 23 helps with these thoughts:  “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.” 

Little comforts as much as kind people “walking with us”, “sitting with us”, “weeping with us”.  They are the Lord’s presence, embracing the hurting.  Joy then comes “in the morning”.        

The Value of a Good Night of Sleep

IT’S EASIER TO LIVE BY FAITH IF YOU’VE HAD A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP

Sometimes cutting short your sleep to commune with God may, in fact, undermine your ability to live close to God.  A tired person is more vulnerable to temptations than the wide-awake.  The weakened body is more apt to be plagued with self-doubt than one fed and rested.

Quiet times for prayer, meditation and reflection aid the Christian walk, but the notion that “more of the same” will continue to produce positive results is faulty.

The spiritual growth we aspire to cannot take place separate from sound care for the whole person. 

·        It’s easier to feel close to God when the Excedrin has taken my headache away.

·        Faith soars when the air is fresh and I’m biking briskly on a bright spring morning.

·        After a cup of coffee my spiritual condition is always improved.

Spiritual inspiration and enthusiasm can be mediated by physical interventions and activities.  Faith-builders will not only implore their adherents to worship in the traditional forms, including Bible study, prayer, meditation and song.  They will also encourage the health-care of the body, spirit and emotions through exercise, vacations and travel, hospitality, friendship.  Spiritual growth is also the product of good-deed projects, enjoyment of the arts, folk-dance, the appreciation of beauty in nature and craftsmanship, ecology efforts, reading, hobbies, gardening.

Confident that “everything affects everything else” the growing Christian will be one designing a well-rounded life-style.  Spirit-raising pastimes can bring us closer to God-pleasing service.

The Empty Cross

The Gold Cross at the Front of the Church

WHEN I WAS SITTING IN CHURCH LAST SUNDAY I LOOKED AT THE BEAUTIFUL GOLD CROSS AT THE FRONT OF THE SANCTUARY.  IT HIT ME.  AMONG OTHER TRUTHS THE CENTRAL TRUTH THAT IS SO POWERFULLY IMPORTANT IN THE CROSS OF JESUS IS THE FACT THAT HE SHOWS US, BY DEATH ON THE CROSS, WHAT LOVE REALLY IS.  IT IS DYING FOR ANOTHER PERSON.

EVERYTIME YOU INCONVENIENCE YOURSELF, MOVE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, BOTHER TO GENERATE A WORDOF ENCOURAGEMENT, FRIENDLINESS, INTEREST, you are doing a Christ-like action. DRAW SOMEONE IN AND SUPPORT THEM, GO OUT OF YOUR WAY, EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT, YOU’RE PARTICIPATING IN THE KIND OF LOVE JESUS TAUGHT.  YOU ARE DYING FOR ANOTHER PERSON.  AND THAT GIVES THEM LIFE AND LIGHT AND GENERATES RESURRECTION IN THEIR SOULS--- YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN LIFE.  You can give life.

Self-Centeredness is Unnecessary

Beware of the Infection of Self-Centeredness

As we grow older there is a tendency to drift into preoccupation with ourselves: our health, our physical problems, our sleep, money, trips, grandchildren and more.  The process also may include losing interest in others—their trips, interests, accomplishments, new items.

There is little as pleasant as another person taking interest in our lives.  So it is essential that as we grow older, and the self-centered drift progresses, that we resist it.  It often requires a deliberate decision to move in that direction.

Not only does such a choice thrill the ones we show interest in, it is also an antidote against an older-person malady (me-ism) that turns others off.

Becoming a giver may require upgrading our self-concept.  We must believe this truth—“I am a reservoir of blessings”.  We are all full of goodness and must be ready to overflow with nourishment for the souls of younger folks. 

It doesn’t matter who you are, or how healthy, educated, wealthy or attractive.  You have within you words, interest, stories and expressions that can make a wonderful positive difference in the lives of younger men and women.  We are all potential healers. Check that self-centered drift, and spill loving interest on some young ones.  It can be life-giving to them, but it will always be spirit-lifting to us as well.

AS WE GROW OLDER WE MUST DELIBERATELY TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT OFF OURSELVES AND TURN IT ON OTHERS.

       

Soft Answers

A SOFT ANSWER DOES TURN AWAY WRATH

It’s reassuring to doubters, such as I, to find science reinforcing Biblical ideas.  Here’s a new development I read about in Time magazine:

A SOFT ANSWER DOES TURN AWAY WRATH, according to the results of a four-month study of unruly children who were discipline problems in school.  Normal and loud teacher reprimands that could be heard by the whole class had no effect on the disruptive behavior of such children.  When the teachers switched to soft reprimands that could be heard only by the child being corrected, most of the unruly children misbehaved less often.  A return to loud reproaches resulted in an increase in poor behavior, and later return to soft corrections again resulted in better behavior.

We who take the Bible so literally might try putting some of its very concrete suggestions into practice – starting with this one.

Proverbs 15:1  A soft answer turns away wrath,

                        But a harsh word stirs up anger.