"I'd Rather See a Sermon than Hear One"

“I’d Rather See a Sermon Than Hear One Any Day.”

I’d rather see a sermon than hear one, any day;

I’d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.

The eye is a better pupil, more willing than the ear;

Fine counsel is confusing, but example is always clear. 

And the best of all the preachers are those who live their creeds.

For to see a good put in action is what everybody needs.

I soon can learn how to do it if you will let me see it done;

I can watch your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.

And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true,

But I’d rather get my lesson by observing what you do.

For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give,

But there is no misunderstanding how you act and live.

When I see an act of kindness, I am eager to be kind.

When a weaker person stumbles, and a strong one stands behind

Just to see if she can help him, than the wish grows strong in me

To become as big and thoughtful as I know that friend to be.

And all the travelers can witness that the best of guides today

Is not the one who tells them, but the one who shows the way.

One can teach many. Folks believe what they behold.  

One deed of kindness noted is worth forty that are told.

Who stands with those of honor learn to hold that honor dear,

For right living speaks a language which to everyone is clear.

Though an able speaker charms me with his eloquence, I say,

I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day.

---Author Unknown

Tips for Acting Friendly

The First Four Suggestions for Brightening Our World

1. Greet People Warmly-"Good morning. It is good to see you." Become an enthusiastic, habitual greetor. Greet everybody, whether or not they make eye contact with you. Say "Hello". Say "Good morning." Say "Great to see you." -anything to send a pleasant message that they are noticed. A greeting is a connection. It is a gift. A greeting says "I notice you, you are valued, you are somebody!" A simple greeting is a blessing everybody needs. No exceptions.

2. Make Eye Contact-Look the person in the eyes, briefly, with warmth. Combine your eye contact with a smile and your greeting. "The eyes are the window to the soul", says the Bible. To be looked at personally is medicine for the soul.

3. Act Friendly-The emphasis here is on ACT. We do not just follow our feelings. That is, it doesn't depend on our mood in order to act friendly. We do what is right; good; needed. No matter what we are feeling we can send a message of friendliness. The amazing thing is that when we act friendly we not only lift another's spirits, but we also end up feeling better.  Such actions are agape' which is the highest form of love.  It is love that expects nothing in return.

4. Offer Compliments-"You look good." "I like doing business with you." "You have a good attitude." "I love your smile." Inside each and every one, are many appreciative feelings, words of admiration, and gratitude. Most of those thoughts remain unexpressed, kept inside ourselves. We must let them out! We must spray, sprinkle and spread compliments and appreciation on people. Take two seconds after any transaction, and put ionto words a short sentence of thankfulness, gratitude, or admiration. Make it simple, direct and personal. Plan ahead to be ready to give your gift of love. Then stand there for five seconds and say it, with a smile.

Be Still and Know that I am God

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

Getting away from it all works wonders, experience teaches us.  Quiet-time, being alone, solitude, creates space for reality to regain proper perspective.

There is a way of knowing that goes beyond logic and deductive reasoning.  In a scientific age such knowledge is seldom given much official credence.  Still, of all we believe and hold true, a great deal comes from the anecdotal accounts of other people.  Unproven, untested, but believable because “it happened.”

Knowing God, and such phenomena as the resurrection of Jesus, fall into that category of knowledge for many.

Astronaut Edgar D. Mitchell talks of his confrontation with knowledge that transcends reason:

When I went to the moon, I was as pragmatic a scientist-engineer as any of my colleagues.  I’d spent more than a quarter of a century learning the rational-objective-experimental approach to dealing with the universe.  But my experience during Apollo 14 had another aspect.  It showed me certain limitations of science and technology

It began with the breathtaking experience of seeing planet earth floating in the immensity of space – the incredible beauty of a splendid blue-and-white jewel floating in the vast, black sky.  I underwent a religious-like peak experience, in which the presence of divinity became almost palpable.  Then I knew that life in the universe was  not just an accident based on random processes.  This knowledge, which came directly, intuitively, was not a matter of discursive reasoning or logical abstraction.  It was not deduced from information perceptible by the sensory organs.  The realization was subjective. It was knowledge every bit as real and compelling as the objective data the navigational program or the communications system was based on.  Clearly, the universe has meaning and direction–an unseen dimension behind the visible creation that gives it an intelligent design and gives life purpose.

“…you who weep…will laugh.”

An ancient guru is reputed to have inquired of the disheartened and dispirited people, those who were knowing no pleasure or joy in life--  “When did you stop dancing?  When did you stop singing?”

By this unique line of exploration he often arrived at the origin of their unhappiness.  The cause of their loss of vitality very often harked back to a major grief in their lives.  It may have been the death of a dear one, loss of a fortune, a significant illness, or some other major blow in their lives.

Some people didn’t even realize they had stopped singing or dancing, which this teacher regarded as the symbols of loss of joy.  Zest for life often just quietly seeped away leaving them dry, dispirited shadows, of their old selves.

Grief can do that.  It can slowly drain survivors of their vitality.

Jesus says, “Blessed are you who mourn for you shall be comforted.”  That is the version in Matthew’s Gospel.  Luke puts it this way:  “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”  This is The Lord Jesus’ promise:  healing and happiness follow mourning.  Proper, natural weeping and sorrow leads to renewal.  Weep first, laugh later, Jesus implies.  Psalm 30 puts it this way:  “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

Understanding Jesus creates a safe place to be real, which is a prerequisite for proper mourning.  Knowing the Lord weeps with us is a major encourager as we shed our tears and grieve.  Psalm 23 helps with these thoughts:  “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.” 

Little comforts as much as loving people “walking with”, “sitting with”, “weeping with”, those who are hurting.  That is the presence of The Lord-in the flesh.  Joy then comes “in the morning”.        

The 3rd Age Idea

The 3^rd Age Idea

(RELATIONSHIP TIME)

Life can now be appropriately divided into thirds.  The first third is roughly from starts with infancy and extends to about age 30.  It is preparation time, or getting started.  Birth, education, spiritual guidance, growing physically stronger, and learning about being a good person happens here.  Then, around age 30, we are usually well into a time of productivity.  Jobs, colleagues, friends and families are the clearest example of this.  These are usually by age thirty solidly underway yielding measurable, enjoyable, companionship, offspring, income, and other rewards.  Hard work often characterizes this part of life.

There are numerous exceptions to the rule but, for most, the years from age 30 to 60 are high energy, hardworking decades of building and refining important products and resources.

Then there is the 3^rd Age.  It can be a brand new and refreshing experience.  Often it begins with formal retirement.  In the past retirement offered only a few years of relief after a career of tedious employment.  It was not, as now, a whole new decades-long opportunity for something different.

In the past twenty years a major shift has begun.  Since then we have seen Octogenarians and even older, everywhere we looked.  Even living to age 100 is not so rare anymore.  So now life is no longer just two halves-preparation and production.  A fresh new third has opened to us.

For many the third quarter offers options rarely as plentiful earlier in life.  Some slide into new occupations that fit their passions.  Others finally have the opportunity to see the world or enjoy travel.  Many choose volunteer work helping, assisting, pitching in, on causes and projects that are clearly helpful to others:  a few examples are Bill Bryant-he is actively working as a Pastor; Ken Waltz does woodwork projects for family and friends; Don Heinlein will help anybody with Computer challenges; Art Gebhardt assists folk with home maintenance work.  Ed and Dorothy McCrory switched roles.  Ed is the “round-home” person and pursues his hobbies, while Dorothy reentered the workplace doing what she loves.   

Regardless of the many specific ways we can contribute, or enjoy life, there is one vital thread to be woven with special intentionality through these years.  In one word it is RELATIONSHIPS.  This word defines God’s mandate for us throughout our lives, but the 3^rd Age is a time when it is uniquely possible and important.

Nose to the grind-stone days are over.  Now we must notice people, give ourselves to them, and find ways to know and be known by others.  This is true in regard to our peers, those of our own age, but even more so it calls for connecting with the younger generation.  We have so much to give them!  Love, appreciation, admiration, encouragement, smiles.  These are easy to pass around and they nourish another’s soul like nothing else.  We also have ideas, wisdom, insights, experience that can be shared.  Many have skills, interests, and abilities that can be passed on to grandchildren and other youth. Little builds a child up as much as praise and appreciation from older folks unrelated to them.  These are gifts that should steadily flow from our lips into the hearts of those we meet.

All the while we are modeling something few of us had much of, namely how to be happy, healthy and enjoyable in the days often regarded as elderly.  The young need to see us living radiantly.  In the past few lived into their late seventies and eighties.  There were no patterns or styles for being an older person, they were so exceptional.  Today is different and we are leading the way, setting the standards, creating images of how to be in the third quarter of life.  It is an exciting challenge God has given us.  It is one in which we all can be active.      

Stop the Drift

Beware of the Infection of Self-Centeredness

As we grow older there is a tendency to drift into preoccupation with ourselves: our health, our physical problems, our sleep, money, trips, grandchildren and more.  The process also may include losing interest in others—their trips, interests, accomplishments, new items.

There is little as pleasant as another person taking interest in our lives.  So it is essential that as we grow older, and the self-centered drift progresses, that we resist it.  It often requires a deliberate decision to move in that direction.

Not only does such a choice thrill the ones we show interest in, it is also an antidote against an older-person malady (me-ism) that turns others off.

Becoming a giver may require upgrading our self-concept.  We must believe this truth—“I am a reservoir of blessings”.  We are all full of goodness and must be ready to overflow with nourishment for the souls of younger folks. 

It doesn’t matter who you are, or how healthy, educated, wealthy or attractive.  You have within you words, interest, stories and expressions that can make a wonderful positive difference in the lives of younger men and women.  We are all potential healers. Check that self-centered drift, and spill loving interest on some young ones.  It can be life-giving to them, but it will always be spirit-lifting to us as well.

AS WE GROW OLDER WE MUST DELIBERATELY TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT OFF OURSELVES AND TURN IT ON OTHERS.

Death of a Bean

THE DEATH OF A BEAN

Children and their grief

Philip had successfully planted a bean seed and it was growing in a clay pot at school. Warm weather had arrived so he was moving the plant outside to the garden.  In the process it slipped from his grip.  Pot and plant smashed, beyond rescue, on the porch steps. “Oooooh,” he moaned, obviously broken hearted.  At the same time he quickly glanced at me expecting, it appeared, my reproach for his apparent carelessness, or maybe he was needing a sympathetic response.

What should I say?  Many thoughts flashed through my computer before selecting one:  “That’s a dumb thing to do.”  “Clean it up!”  “Why can’t you be more careful?”  “That pot cost 85 cents.”  “Nothing serious.”  “You can start another one.  They grow quickly.”  None of those seemed appropriate.  Instead it occurred to me that Phil had just lost a friend. He was hurt, mourning the loss of something he cared about and had invested himself in.

I felt what he needed was understanding and empathy.   I finally said  “Oh, Phil, how sad!  That bean meant a lot to you, didn’t it?  You really cared for it.” To which he replied, Yes, it’s the first plant I ever grew.”

When his bean crashed it didn’t mean to me what it did to him.  My initial feelings were irritation that a mess was made, a good pot broken, a project ended.  If I had let those feelings dictate my response I would have totally missed what Phil was feeling-loss, sorrow, disappointment. Caring demanded that I ignore my first rush of irritation and tune in instead to Philip’s feelings, especially his hurt and disappointment.  So I tried to put in words an expression of what I perceived to be his feelings. 

Another temptation parents must resist, in addition to not blaming, is to provide a quick solution to the problem.  When pets die, a bike is stolen, or toys are broken, it’s so easy to say, “Don’t worry, we’ll buy you a new one.”  We want to rescue the child from his or her pain.  We don’t want them to hurt. We want to quickly fix it so uncomfortable feelings will go away, both theirs and our own.

This seems like a good thing to do, but it cheats children of an important life experience.  It’s better to let them feel the pain and mourn the loss with a sense of its permanence. In this way the child goes through a sample of real life.  Minutes, hours or days later they will emerge healed.  New interests and activities will replace the lost.

Life will go on, as it must in the future with major losses like the death of a brother, sister, father, mother or grandparent, or when divorce takes away someone dear and breaks up a home.

Allowed and encouraged to feel the hurt over small childhood losses, children learn that hurts heal, and they discover the inner resources to cope with grief on those occasions when there can be no repair or replacement.

There are frequent small bereavements in a child’s life.  Each offers the opportunity for parents to model sensitive acceptance of the pain:  A friend moves away; failing a grade; a favorite teacher quits; not making a team; breaking up a friendship; valuables stolen; a job loss. We cannot “fix” these hurts.  The best repair comes from support, understanding and the natural process of mending that time provides.

Summary of Helping in Times of Loss

1.      Allow and encourage tears, and other negative feelings.  Sometimes we see a child fighting to hold back the tears.  Gently say “Go ahead and cry” or “Let the tears go”.  That can provide the permission needed to weep.  This is good for the griever.

2.      Let them talk about it.  Repeating the story of how it happened helps work it out emotionally and intellectually.

3.      Touch, hug, holding are deeply meaningful.  The child who can’t cry or talk may need this even more than the expressive ones; their feelings are more easily overlooked.

4.      Encourage involvement in the work surrounding the loss.  For example, with a stolen bike, let him or her call the police and go and  try to locate it.

5.      Avoid pat answers and clichés like “I know how you feel,” “It could have been worse,” You’re a brave young man.”

6.      Don’t rush them.  Let them get through it at their own speed.

7.      Be tolerant.  Avoid judgment or blame such as “If you’d been more careful, this wouldn’t have happened.”

8.      Avoid moralizing:  “We live in a world where you have to expect this sort of thing.”

9.      Use religious resources to provide support and a way of thinking about loss, e.g., “I believe Jesus is hurting with you right now.”  When praying about it, do so in a way that talks to God about how the child is feeling:  “John is hurting badly, Lord, and angry, too, over what has happened. . . “Leave out expressions that may directly or indirectly lead them to blame God, e.g., “It was God’s will that this happened.”

The grief of children in major losses may also be poorly handled simply because they are overlooked when the family is hit with a death or other tragedy. One teen-ager reported, “Everybody told me what a rough time my dad was having when my mother died.  They acted like my sorrow was non-existent or of little consequence.”

This may happen also when a grandparent dies.  The grandchildren are often closer than their parents to this older person, but seldom are they considered the primary grievers. Parents can easily underestimate the intensity of this pain when a grandparent dies, and miss chances to let children talk and express their feelings about grandfather or grandmother. Recently I tried to talk with a young girl whose grandmother had died unexpectedly.  Unfortunately, her father was with her and kept answering for her.  Try as I might to let her talk about what this was like for her, I was thwarted by her father’s speaking what he thought she was feeling and thinking.

Most children are so full of life they will bounce back strongly from minor or major losses.  Their vitality gives them a resiliency to go on, to live again.  This is often true regardless how ineptly the big people treat their grief.  Nevertheless, careful handling and sensitive, well-thought-out reactions, plus eliminating some of the typical pat answers or avoidance responses, are called for. These painful events can then be turned into more positive growth experiences where a child sees life and people in a new, realistic way.