# 5 Speak About Your Appreciation

5. Say "thank you". Whatever anyone does for you- if they fill out a form, hand you a check or receipt, point something out--say "thank you", or "I appreciate your help." I even pour it on my dentist: "thank you for the way you take care of me." Surprise people with direct, audible words of appreciation.

Example: I answered a phone call from the Laguna Playhouse. The call was promotional. She was selling tickets for their upcoming series. For a variety of reasons there was no chance we would be interested. Not only that, her call was intruding on an important project on which I was working. Nevertheless I said "Thank you for calling us. I appreciate your interest in our attending your productions." Needless to say she concluded the call with warmth and kindness. Surprise people with energetic gratitude.

The Lady in 3B

The Lady in 3B

The small elderly woman said she’d been assigned to seat 3B. I was in 3C so I pulled my legs up and let her pass. I cleared the seat belts for her so she would not sit down on them and she settled in. We shared a little banter about where he handbag should go and then we fell silent.

Finally she spoke: “I hope my flight out of Chicago won’t require a long walk to the gate.” “They can be a long way at times,” I replied. “I’m going home to Omaha” she added (we were flying out of Grand Rapids, Michigan with a plane change In Chicago next).

I did not respond for several minutes, then I quipped “Let me guess, you were in Michigan visiting grandchildren.” She smiled a little, sighed and said, “No, it is a long story.”She stopped.

I waited, leaning into her slightly to show my interest. “I was here to see a friend, a man.” “Nice” I said, “you must be a widow and a have a new friend.” “Yes” she replied, “but there’s more to it.” She then went on to explain she’d had two husbands. The first had died unexpectedly at age 33. The second had died about eight years ago. Then she met Carl at a high school reunion. They’d hit it off immediately and have been enjoying their friendship, even though they lived almost 1000 miles apart. Then came the catch---“but he has Alzheimers.”

I knew that I was into heartache now, not just a nice story. “Oh my that is sad” I said, “can you still enjoy each other?” “Yes, he recognizes me and we both love to dance and he is still very good at it.”

I told her that I had read that Alzheimer’s patients usually retain musical memory and I suggested that dancing was probably part of that. She then told me that by coincidence this very weekend Carl was being placed by his children in a care center. He was being taken from his home against his will. She added that it had made for a couple of very difficult days for both of them.

“So you are kind of saying goodbye to him” I said. “That is really sad!”
“Well I have enough Frequent Flyer miles for one more flight, but my children don’t want me to travel any more. I am 86,” she said.
“You must go back,” I responded. “You need to say a good farewell. This one was too chaotic. Your children mean well, but they don’t see it correctly. You should go again.”

She said nothing and we sat silently for the next five minutes. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her wiping her tears with tissue. The she broke the silence. She explained how she had happened to be sitting in seat 3B. “There was a mix up, but I think it was a gift of God that I was placed in 3B.”

We were now descending toward O'hare airport. Our flight was nearly over. “What a wonderful half hour that was” I reflected silently.

The Amazing Benefits of Diligent Thankfulness

The Benefits of Being Diligently Thankful

By diligent is meant regularly listing, reflecting, and focusing on specific items, actions, inventions, experiences in nature,with people, places,or articles (anything). Those who make a daily practice of consciously calling to mind, remembering, and even writing down, what they are grateful for were healthier and happier:

They felt better about their lives as a whole.
They were more optimistic.
They were more energetic.
They were more enthusiastic.
They were more determined.
They were more interested.
They were more joyful.
They felt stronger about handling challenges.
They exercised more (nearly an hour and a half more per week).
They had fewer illnesses.
They got more sleep.
They made more [progress toward important personal goals.
They were more likely to have helped someone else.
They were perceived by others to be m0ore generous and helpful.
They were less envious of those with more possessions.
They were less cluttered.

Other benefits:

Clearer thinking—more creativity and openness to ideas.
Better resilience during tough times.
Higher immune response.
Less likelihood of being plagued by stress.
Longer lives.
Closer family ties.
Greater religiousness.

From Thank You Power by Deborah Norville, pp.24 & 25.

Dr. Robert Emmons from University of California at _______who is the leading research professor on the subject of gratitude will be speaking at the 2009 Care and Kindness Conference,in March.

Who Believes in Prayer Here?

Who Believes in Prayer?

In a small mid-western town a new beer joint started to build a building for their new business. The local church was alarmed and they started a campaign to block the bar from opening. They circulated petitions and called people to pray that the business be stopped.

Work progressed, however, right up until the week before the planned opening of the new tavern. Then one dark night, in a tremendous thunder storm, lightning struck the bar and set it afire. The new building burned to the ground.

The church folk were smugly gratified about this setback for the new bar. Then one day they were informed that the owner of the new establishment was suing the church. His grounds were that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his facility.

Naturally the church vehemently denied all responsibility and any connection to what had happened, and told that to the judge who was officiating on the lawsuit.

When the judge after much deliberation needed to announce his ruling he said "I am not sure how to rule on this. It appears that the tavern owner believes in the power of prayer, and the church does not."

Give God to People. It is Easy

It is easy to give God to people. You just look at them, smile, and greet them with a warm word, and move on. Friendliness is God's love coming through average and ordinary folks, some of whom easily discount their importance.

You are the church! Your friendliness is vital to every visitor, co-worker, and other church members. Everyone hungers for a spirit-lifting boost from God. And Jesus depends on you and me to provide it. Yes, God heals directly too, but God's first line of support and healing is you, and me.

There is not one person who can discount themselves or disqualify themselves from this assignment and opportunity. The lowest paid, least educated, person's smile and kindness is as powerful as anyone elses.

Bad moods or late nights do not take you off the hook. Nor does your importance or your high level of activity. There is not one person who is not The Light of the World, says Jesus. That means the brightness of our surroundings is affected by our attitude and actions. Merely everyday friendliness-greeting and smiling lifts spirits and thereby brightens the world. Even such simple gifts are a powerful way of giving Jesus Christ to people, because God is Love.

Today more than ever the world is lonely. As we let the love of Jesus spill on those around us we are healing them with Love.

Credit is Overdue

The most under-rated good in our Christian Community is the ordinary everyday work the average person does.

Every nail hammered, every car washed, every computer installed, eye-glasses crafted, drain unplugged, suit pressed, engine repaired, class taught, baby sat, paper processed, mail delivered---is a contribution to the new world God is building.

Everybody's work makes this world a better place. None of it is meaningless. None of it is worthless. All of it it a blessing to humanity.

The Best Offense is No Defense

"The Best Offense Is No Defense"


My car was not ready as promised, at 5:00 o'clock. Then when I finally retrieved it the sticker indicating date, mileage and viscosity of the oil had not been applied. So I strode grim-faced back to the service desk. "I'm really irritated", I stated firmly, and proceeded to spout out my dissatisfaction, questioning seriously whether the oil had even been changed at all. My head of steam rose rapidly. All the day's tensions were mounting and about to erupt on the Service Manager's head. Then he eyeballed me and said, "You know, I'd be upset too, if I were you."

A long pause followed. Speechless, I looked at him. Like a helium-filled balloon stuck with a needle, I deflated. My hot air drained like magic. My head of steam cooled off like a tamed pussycat. I became a decent human being again.

Understanding and acceptance, like magic, defused me. I had been understood! Instead of the defensive posture I anticipated, I got understanding. Expecting indifference, I had backed up and gotten a running start in order to hit hard enough to get the attention I felt I deserved. The target, however, neatly sidestepped my attack, and I fell flat on my face. Prepared for defensiveness I received empathy and acceptance.

That Service Manager demonstrated what a major difference acceptance and understanding accomplishes, in contrast to defensiveness.

Life's best game strategy, sure to win, is to play no defense whatsoever. There is a lot of truth in every criticism, complaint, or attack, leveled at us. Therefore dropping one's guard not only disarms the plaintiff, but allows truth to enter our otherwise closed minds. Acknowledging the legitimacy of the accusation, or dissatisfaction, usually satisfies the unhappy. They feel heard as their cry is received and understood.

Proverbs says "A soft answer turns away wrath".

The truly soft answer is a non-defensive one. Defensive answers are crusty and hard. They cause the other person to back up, build up a better attack and come on stronger and angrier. The soft, understanding, reply says "I hear you. I accept what you are saying." Anger is defused. The need to hit harder in order to be heard melts away. Most people want to feel as if they have been heard, that their cry is accepted, and cared about. They don’t even need to have it fixed.

We can drop defensiveness almost totally. In the game of life, a lot of games are won by those who play little, or no, defense.