The Lady Had a Christian Symbol on Her Car Trunk

Drama at the Gas Station
The lady had a chrome-plated fish symbol neatly glued on the trunk panel of her white Lincoln Continental. The name Jesus was spelled out inside the lines in the shape of the fish.

The whole scene is fixed in my memory because the driver, a large blond woman, was very upset with the gas station attendant. He, a small Asian person, had accidentally spilled oil on the fender and motor of her beautiful car, in the process of adding some to the crankcase.

There was a hot verbal interchange that I couldn't hear distinctly, as I pumped my gas. Then just before she slammed her door and sped away in a huff she shouted: "Vell, vy don't you people go back to your own country!"

I hoped the attendant didn't notice the "Jesus" sign on the back. It was a pathetic scene, but I couldn't keep from laughing at the irony of her words spoken with a heavy European brogue. She had a Christian label on her automobile, but her soul was pretty mixed up demanding. "Jesus" was written on her car but not in her heart.

Giving Up a Good Seat 4 a Stranger

Kare Koach gets Kaught on the way to Kona
by K.O.K. (Koach of Kindness)

Our entire family, including the grandchildren, was on the plane. We were on the way to Kona, Hawaii. It was our treat, celebrating forty years of marriage. I was especially happy about my seat assignment. It was part of the Exit Row and on the aisle. That added space is crucial for my 6’6” frame, on a flight of five hours.
Shortly after we had leveled off at around 36, 000 feet the lady next to me asked if I would mind trading seats with her husband who was seated in back. “Oh no,” I thought, “how does care and kindness handle this?”

I quickly decided to speak honestly. “I’d rather not,” I replied. “My six foot six height really needs the leg room.” I reasoned that the likelihood her husband was my size was slim. “Okay” she said. “Since we are on our honeymoon I was hoping we could sit together,” she added.

“Oh no”! Her footnote hit me like a ton of guilt. How do I respond to that? What a dilemma! On the one hand squeezing into a conventional seat was nearly impossible for me to endure. On the other hand here was a touching personal need I could make right. On the one hand I was to her an anonymous stranger. On the other hand I was the Koach of Kare and Kindness. I didn’t have to do anything, but I felt I had to do something.

I sat in silence, thinking and squirming, for at least five minutes. Finally I said, “tell your husband he can come up and sit here for two hours.” “No, that’s alright,” she replied. I pushed my offer, “that way you can enjoy dinner together, wouldn’t you like that?” Clearly I had hit a soft spot.

“Okay,” she finally said, and hopped out of her seat and went back to talk with him. In a couple of minutes they were back together to accept the proposal. He told me his seat number. It turned out to be in the very back row of the plane; the worst seat in the plane. It wouldn’t even lean back, it was so tight against the wall. There was even less than average knee room. But the deal was made, and by this time forty minutes of the flight out over the ocean had passed. Two hours would be tolerable. After that I could stretch for the final hour and thirty minutes.
Sure enough, exactly on the two hour minute the man came back for the seat exchange. And I felt warm all over.

Our family had observed the whole transaction. Some were astounded that I would give up that precious Exit Row seat, at all. Others could not believe I would not give it up completely, that I kept two hours for myself. All were tickled by the whole deal. Especially me-and I hope the newlyweds.

The Power of Kind Words

A few days ago I received a note in the U.S. Mail from someone I had not seen, or thought about, in over twenty-five years. It came from 1500 miles away.

Strangely it was handwritten on napkin paper. In a few words she said she wanted to thank me for an act of kindness I did in 1984. She had been working at Pine Rest Christian Hospital, where I was a Chaplain. That year I had left for The Crystal Cathedral ministry. She said that when I departed I had sent her a note thanking her for her helpfulness (she was the assistant who checked out hospital cars for employee use and had done this for me often). So here it is 2009 and she still remembers warmly that note!

I do not recall writing it. But what a powerful testimony about the wonderful effect of a simple few words of appreciation.

P.S. My response was to mail her a copy of my book The Miracle of Kindness, autographed with a few fresh words of loving-kindness.

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

A Friendly Greeting at Costco

The Costco super-store I visit is always very crowded with people I do not know. Only about once in six months do I meet someone I recognize. Not only that, there is no eye-contact or greeting offered by any of the shoppers. They are all intent on their purchases, or managing their families. Most seem unaware of those around them, even those who might need to push their carts around them.


So it was startling a few nights ago when someone said “hello” to me. The middle aged woman smiled, and I looked at her with a puzzled look. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place her. “Chicago avenue?” I questioned. “No, Fantastic Sam’s. Haircut,” she said in her imperfect English. “Oh, yes” I responded realizing and recognizing her as one of the women who cut my hair. “Great to see you” I said with a big smile, and we went our separate ways.

Her greeting lifted my spirits enormously. I went on with my shopping feeling renewed, buoyant, blessed. It is amazing. Here was a woman I scarcely know, Hispanic, low-waged, a hardworker with whom I have virtually no relationship. And her greeting was like a shot of Adrenaline. I felt joy from her friendliness.


The power of a greeting can hardly be over- rated. Never is a simple “hello” wasted or worthless. Every simple “hello” is a blessing, a gift, a vitamin for the soul of the recipient—even if he doesn’t turn and respond to the words.


A man named Joe Kita decided to say “hello” to everyone he met for a period of one month. He reported that when the time was over he felt lighter, more connected, and had a better sense of well-being. But he recommends setting a lower number of greetings per day. Lest you burn out or get bored. At the same time he is convinced it is a way of making the world a better place.
St. Paul said “Greet each other with a holy kiss….” Well, we better not go that far today or we might get arrested, but St. Paul certainly is underscoring the value of greeting when he made that suggestion.

“Hello” is possible for everyone. Start today to sprinkle, spray and splash greetings on people.

# 4 World Brightening Behavior

Offer Compliments

“You look great”. “I like doing business with you.” “You have a good attitude.” “I love your smile.”

Inside each of us, everyone of us, are many appreciative feelings, words of admiration, and gratitude. Such feelings and thoughts are popping up all the time. A clerk, a stranger, a friend or family member, may say or do something helpful or encouraging, or kindly. Most of what we feel and think, of this sort, remains unexpressed. It is there, but it is not let out. It is kept inside ourselves.

LET IT OUT!!!!
Spread, spray, sprinkle appreciative thoughts and grateful feelings on people. Take a second during, or after, any transaction, and put into words a short sentence of thankfulness, appreciation or admiration. Make it simple, direct, and personal. Make it a habit.

Sometimes it helps to plan ahead to offer such a parting gift. Take five seconds, while the clerk is ringing up your bill, to plan what you will say, then say it with a smile.

Example: I was on the telephone trying to get repair services for our home phone. As the service representative finished with me I paused and then said “you are really a nice person.” She literally gasped and then gushed her appreciation.

I routinely respond to cashiers and clerks who mechanically say "Have a nice day," with these words "Thank you. You have just made it nicer.".

The surprising secret about all these "world brightening" tactics is this: the giver's life brightens in the process of lifting the spirits of others.

Happier people are created by giving loving-kindness to others.

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

The Most Wonderful Tattoo I Have Ever Seen

At a recent theological seminary commencement I was asked to speak a few words about my experiences in ministry. The name of my recent book, The Miracle of Kindness was included in my remarks, along with a little more about that topic. The reference to kindness, I soon learned, sparked a connection with the father of one of the graduates. Later, by coincidence, I ran into him at the reception. He greeted me warmly and quickly jumped into a personal story. At first the story seemed only distantly related to anything in my talk. “Forty-five years ago Nietszche wrote a book called God is Dead,” he said. That statement caused me to begin to write the man off. I knew Nietszche had written such a book but it was a century earlier. The man went on, “his book upset me so much I went out and had tattooed on my shoulder the words God is Kindness.”

Now I became excited. Here was a kindred spirit for certain. After all I am the Koach of Kindness (cf.K-O-K). I began to smile broadly and celebrated with “that is so great. I love that! I agree 100% with those words.” Now he was smiling from ear to ear also.

Next I had the temerity to ask if I could see his tattoo. Immediately he took off his suit coat, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his white shirt. Then he pushed the shirt, and his undershirt, off his shoulder and there it was.

The tattoo was clearly visible but somewhat blurred. Many years had passed since the ink had been needled into his skin. I could easily read the first word GOD. Then there was a short word I assumed to be is followed by a longer word I could not read, but expected it to be kindness. But as I was trying to make it out he remembered and told me he had it in the Spanish language, his native tongue. That changed my expectation and I could see it was a spanish word. (Since then I have had two different answers to my question about what the word most likely was. Some said ead amabilidad, others suggested bondadoso both apparently are Spanish words for kindness. I was moved. I was a special guest observing a passionate statement of faith, imbedded in his skin. It was his inerasable proclamation, that God is alive and actively present in our lives, through loving-kindness.

His tattoo is a profound protest from the heart of a deep thinking, insightful man, who knows better than the great philosopher that God is love. Before we parted we hugged, twice, and I promised to send a copy of the book, to his home in a borough of New York City.

Later I wondered, why he hadn’t simply written "God is Love". There must be a special reason he chose the word kindness. That question will be sent to him along with The Miracle of Kindness. There may be a story there.

P.S. In general I dislike tattoos. Obviously there are exceptions. I love this one.

World Brightening Behavior # 3 Act Friendly !!!

#3 TheThird World Changing Behavior, Anyone Can Do

"Act Friendly"

The emphasis here is on the word ACT. We do not just follow our feelings. That is, it doesn’t depend on our mood, that we are feeling friendly, to present friendliness to someone. We are obliged to do what is good, what is right, what is needed, necessary, and mature. Regardless of what we may be feeling, we can decide to send a message of friendliness.

The important part of this is to know that when we act friendly we lift another’s spirits. Their body chemistry is affected and made better. They will feel better and even be healthier. Their system will fight disease, germs and other illnesses more effectively after their spirit is lifted by friendliness.

There is a secondary gain too. S/he who gives the gift of friendliness also will feel in-spired. The word inspired means in-spirited, which is to be lifted in how you are feeling. The “medicine man” he/she wo offers the good gift to the other person will be rewarded in like manner.

It can be no more than “Hi how’ya doing,” and a pat on the arm. Even that little, is friendliness personified.